Musings on the Death of My Perfect Partner
Fresh from Birch Creek
John A Bayerl
- Location
- Ann Arbor, Michigan, USA
- Birthday
- May 30
- Bio
- My wife of 47+ years died at home with me at her side, on November 12, 2010. She and I, together with our children and many friends and relatives, fought her cancer for four years, seven months and a week. This blog acknowledges her courage and exemplary life. She taught us how to live, and she taught us how to die. The blog also honors the love she shared with everyone who knew her.I am a retired school counselor and college professor.
MY RECENT POSTS
- SIMPLE MEDITATION
September 26, 2012 05:14PM - STILL LLOVE
August 27, 2012 09:16PM - Loving in the Afternoon (or,
Invasion of the Body Snatcher.
July 25, 2012 01:32PM - OURS ENDLESSLY
July 16, 2012 05:02PM - THE PERFECT CIRLCE OF LOVE
July 12, 2012 10:46PM
MY RECENT COMMENTS
- “Certainly describes many
of us, Rita. Sometimes when I
catch
myself "in
my…”
September 27, 2012 12:56PM - “The good news is that if
we do the work broken hearts
can
heal. Lovely as
always…”
September 27, 2012 12:52PM - “Thanks, Michelle, I love
everything you write.”
September 27, 2012 12:42PM - “Thanks ooal, it is good
to be back among
friends.”
September 27, 2012 12:41PM - “Buffy, there's a card in
the mail for you.”
September 27, 2012 12:38PM
John A Bayerl's Links
SEPTEMBER 26, 2012 5:14PM
SIMPLE MEDITATION
What force is this
That compels us
Bonds us
Together?
Is it grace from past loves
That shows us
Teaches us
Constancy?
Is it wisdom of age
That reminds us
Don’t hold back
Live?
Is it certainty that comes from knowing
You’ve found the one
To love… Read full post »
AUGUST 27, 2012 9:16PM
STILL LLOVE
Be still
She said
Find who you are
Then find me
And love me
As I will love you.
John A. Bayerl, August 26, 2012 Read full post »
JULY 25, 2012 1:34PM
Loving in the Afternoon (or, Invasion of the Body Snatcher.
A friend commented on my last post that I am twice blessed in finding a woman who completes me in all ways possible. . . I am thrice blessed; she expresses her feelings beautifully; in writing:
My body is no longer my own,
It does not respond to my… Read full post »
JULY 16, 2012 5:02PM
OURS ENDLESSLY
For hours on end
we search for words
that say
this new reality
although we know
it’s a charade
this trying to describe
with words
how it is to melt
each into the other
fear and uncertainty
now of the… Read full post »
JULY 12, 2012 10:46PM
THE PERFECT CIRLCE OF LOVE
It’s been a few days
since I’ve posted anything on my
blog. Today, as I was
writing a check, I noted the date—July 12,
2012. Gwen died on
November 12, 2010.
Twenty months have now passed since that evening when her life
ended and mine became filled with pain, sorrow and/
… Read full post »
JUNE 26, 2012 11:17AM
ENDLESS PERFECT WAVE
It’s as though we ride
the crest
of a perfect wave
knowing well
the dangers of other waves
that crash on shores
of death, destruction, disillusion and
despair.
Our hearts speak a deeper truth
we float as one
on an infinite sea
where endless waves
carry us along
joyously
hopefully.
John A. Bayerl, June 24,
2012
H
… Read full post »
JUNE 22, 2012 10:16PM
Love in the Summer
SCENIC OVERLOOK
Epoufette Bay Scenic Overlook
is what the sign said,
we parked the car in the shade
walked hand-in-hand
down the dusty trail
to the rail fence
at the edge of the cliff.
The most northern tip
of Lake… Read full post »
JUNE 21, 2012 11:37PM
NEW WORLD
Once again I see the world
with happy eyes
thoughts, once dormant,
arise now
of possibilities and
potentials—
the gift
astonishes—
feelings of joy
are once again rampant.
All this because
she appeared
In my life
thought my thoughts
felt my feelings
took the chance
said let's explore
together
what may lie
… Read full post »
JUNE 18, 2012 7:00AM
Just a little humor.
Outside a small Macedonian village, close to the border between
Greece and strife-torn Yugoslavia, a lone Catholic nun keeps a
quiet watch over a silent convent. She is the last caretaker of a
site of significant historic developments. The convent once served
as a base for the army of Attila the… Read full post »
JUNE 8, 2012 7:26PM
GOOD MEMORIES
Friday
evenings, especially soft warm ones like right now, carry memories
that only two people shared--Gwen and I. During the long year
before we married it was when we were back together after a week
apart. The gift I now have is the memory of her running
from her front door… Read full post »
JUNE 4, 2012 7:05PM
THE FUTURE BECKONS
Feeling once again
like the unsure boy of his
youth
he
knew so well
he
struggles to be
the suave, sophisticated
man for the ages
others tell him he is
as
he wanders about
in
a world he left
long ago, never thinking
he
would return to that place
of
fierce, sudden passion
unexpected, unrelenting
heartache.
… Read full post »
JUNE 2, 2012 4:02PM
DAYBREAK, by Gabriela Mistral, Chilean Poet
My heart
swells that the
universe
like a fiery cascade may
enter.
The new day comes. Its coming
leaves me breathless.
I sing like a cavern
brimming
I sing a new da/… Read full post »
universe
like a fiery cascade may
enter.
The new day comes. Its coming
leaves me breathless.
I sing like a cavern
brimming
I sing a new da/… Read full post »
MAY 31, 2012 10:18PM
FOREVER LOVE
This tiredness
that at times overcomes me
is a mood, a feeling
an awareness
of a lack of adequacy
perhaps
it isn’t a healthy
tired
after a job well done
no
this is bone-weary tired
that even a long night’s
sleep
can’t ease
a longing for just one
of those nights
when true peace and serenity
were there for th
… Read full post »
MAY 28, 2012 4:01PM
December 21, 2012 (The day the world ended.)
December 21, 2012
just another shortest day
like all the rest that have gone before
half the world arose
did what they do
to make it all mean
something
everyone else in the world
slept
they never saw it coming
like… Read full post »
MAY 28, 2012 9:02AM
It's a cake, by golly.
O. K., it's a little crooked; so nobody's perfect.
Could have used your help on that frosting Dear, but, all's well that ends well. Bring on the candles and the ice cream~
MAY 27, 2012 10:16AM
THE ECHO OF HER VOICE
Oh, I’ll be OK I told
her
when she asked how it would be
without her
little did I know how strong
I would have to be
for this one simple thing
being alone
each day anew it is forced on me
as I wander about
this big empty house of ours
once filled with laughter
and love
now the echo of her
… Read full post »
MAY 22, 2012 11:22AM
FRIENDSHIP BONDS
Side by side
they gather round
the campfire
of their glowing screens
listen to written words
with eyes so soft
as they battle their battles
struggle their struggles
grieve alone
in the company of others
separated
by miles
and seas
and seas
and time zones
and area codes
and zip codes
filled with hope
they form community
forge
… Read full post »
MAY 18, 2012 11:18PM
Five dollars for a goddam hot dog and cup of coffee!
The
weather today has been absolutely perfect. Bright and sunny,
a cool dry breeze, temperature in the 70s; it didn't take much
convincing for me to join Ed for a round of golf. On my way
home I realized that it had been a while since I'd had a rueben
sandwich… Read full post »
MAY 16, 2012 3:01PM
LET IT SHINE IN THE WORLD
A year ago; on a stormy day, I posted this. Today is a
bright, shiny day.
Now I walk through
life
as best I can
without herin a reality tinged with sadness.
Yet, she is with
me,
hovering in
the background,always in the corner of my eye;
gently prodding, encouraging me onward.
Let our love live,
she te… Read full post »
MAY 13, 2012 6:45PM
A DAY FOR MOTHERS
A day for mothers
filled with memories.
Mother Claire
gave me life itself
then filled it with love
of reading
and learning
and music
gave me to myself.
Mother-in-law Bertha
gave my life
joyful noise
with stories
and polkas
and a grin
gave me her daughter.
Wife Gwen
Mother of our children
gave me love itself
then fille
… Read full post »
MAY 12, 2012 3:20PM
SEPARATION ANXIETY
It must be
that this happens
to all who grieve—
there is a separation
a distancing
that draws things
nearer—
what is now
no longer bears the mark
of what was then
the connection is
in many ways
stronger, more grounded
less urgent
yet more immediate
hugs
soft embraces
all that follows
so very different now
… Read full post »
MAY 10, 2012 10:40PM
MORE THAN A COAT
I caress the lining
of her leather coat
and think of all the times
she was there
next to the satin
filled with love
shielded from the cold
feeling safe, secure
in my embrace.
I am reassured
that she is here
one more time
let me help you with your coat
Dear.
John A. Bayerl, May 10,
2012
Perhaps it's the remin
… Read full post »
MAY 7, 2012 8:49AM
OFF TO THE RACES
Saturday I was at the Michigan International Speedway in Brooklyn, Michigan. (Yes, there really is a Brooklyn in Michigan.) Son John, Jr., who is a science/technology teacher at the Michael Berry Career Center in Dearborn, asked me to serve as a parent volunteer at a "com/… Read full post »
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