After perusing my spam and again receiving the same
messages/advertisements that I seem to get ad nauseum, I have come to a
few conclusions about what the spammers must think of me. They must
believe:

1.) That I am in dire financial need and that they can
save me from the abyss by hooking me up with a 1 hour payday advance
loan or risk free credit card secured by the National Bank of Outer
Slobovia.

2.) That I have severe erectile dysfunction which can be cured by one treatment of their herbal, all natural miracle drug. (BY THE WAY: They are WAAAAY off on this point. Strong like Bull. That's all I'm sayin'.)

3.)
That I am unfulfilled in my current job and they again can help me by
showing me many excellent work from home opportunities, such as
telemarketing or medical billing. These careers are so lucrative that
they had to sneak me the information in my spam folder so as not to
cause a rush and I should probably feel honored that they would pick ME
of all people. Imagine! Of all the wi-fi connections, in all the
world...

4.) That BBW's (big beautiful women) and interracial
business women over 40 are in my city itching for me to call them
tonight for free, no strings attached(*). dating. Which I surmise is
why they sent me info about #2.

5.) That there is a severe lack
of CSI technicians, but I can help solve this crisis by enrolling in
online courses. I didn't know it was that easy. I bet in as little as
six short weeks, I'll be driving around in a Hummer, staring at hair
fibers inside shiny boxes and slipping on my dark shades before making
a pithy statement about how the corpse I am standing over has just died.

6.)
That I can lose weight simply by drinking tea or thinking positive
thoughts. Again, I had no idea it was that easy. And here I was wasting
time being a husky boy my whole life. I'll go have a Tommy's triple
cheese and then wash it down with some miracle tea, while I imagine the
pounds just melting away. I'll be a size 32 by Swimsuit Season!

7.)
That I may have been recently injured or suffered terrible side effects
from products such as fat loss tea or erectile dysfunction cream and
may be elligible to take part in a class action lawsuit.
So I guess
if I don't lose weight or my weiner falls off, I can take comfort in
the fact that a large payday awaits me. Which is good, because that
payday advance was going to come due on Friday with 200% interest and
the National Bank of Outer Slobovia became insolvent after the sudden
outbreak of goat herpes which crippled it's economy.

On a positive note, a girl named AsianBeauty243 wants to chat, risk free as long as I give her my credit card number.