Beth Mann's Blog

Beth's Urban Tales of Wonder and Decay

Beth Mann

Beth Mann
Long Beach Island, New Jersey, USA
November 11
Hot Buttered Media
I'm a writer and creative consultant. I have years of experimental comedy and strange theater under my belt. I surf. I cook. I love wine, men and song. And puppies. I effin' love puppies.

DECEMBER 28, 2008 3:32PM

Cookie Day 2008

My friend Marianne invited me to her home for Cookie Day 2008. Sure, sure, I’ll go. Christmas cheer, whether I like it or not.

Marianne was one of my sweetest classmates in high school. Always friendly, always trying, always smart, always pretty. But I was always partying, always cool, a… Read full post »

DECEMBER 28, 2008 3:29PM

It's not all about You

I was thinking about that comeback over my stale granola this morning. Such a strange thing to say. "It's not all about you, you know!"

An angry family member who shall remain nameless said that to me once when I refused a family gathering because my friend had recently died. I… Read full post »

DECEMBER 28, 2008 3:26PM

It's a Bird not a Butterfly, Frankie

Meditating at the Jersey shore is never an easy prospect during the heart of summer. Parents tote their children and 16 tons of plasticrap to the beach for a “fun” day, which usually looks like nothing but eye-gouging misery to me.

Families fight, kids whine and leak, big bulbous b… Read full post »

DECEMBER 28, 2008 3:22PM

Seagull Flies

I will lie down in autumn
Let birds be flying
Swept in a hollow by the wind
I’ll wait for dying
I will lie inert unseen
My hair same-colored with grass and leaves
Gather me for the autumn fires
with the withered sheaves
I will sleep face down in the burnt meadow
Not hearing the sound of water ove
Read full post »

DECEMBER 13, 2008 10:22AM

The Fall and Fall of Kenny Blane

Kenny Blane had a fast black car with orange flames painted on it. He would pick me up from high school and I’d slide onto his slippery seat and bask in the curious looks on everyone’s faces. We’d tear out of the parking lot and cruise – which in… Read full post »

DECEMBER 13, 2008 10:20AM

The Brothers


As I adjusted to life at the Jersey shore and my old family house, I befriended three rag-tag young brothers from the end of my street. I met them at a block party one summer’s evening and the next day we went surfing together. We would be close fromRead full post »

DECEMBER 13, 2008 10:05AM

The Worst Non-Date Ever


I logged onto to some dating site a few days ago and promptly found an offer from "two very hot guys willing to satisfy one woman's darkest and wildest fantasies."

So I wrote:

"Yeah, I'll take you up on your offer. When can we satisfy my
Read full post »

DECEMBER 13, 2008 10:03AM


Coconuts. I can’t believe I worked at a store called Coconuts. The comedy of it hurts.


Before starting my online business, I needed money fast. A touristy clothing store right up the street from me was hiring. I figured it would be pretty mindless. (It’s called CoconutsRead full post »

DECEMBER 13, 2008 10:00AM

I've Been Drinking Ants for Days


imageI need water around me at all times. Just another one of my things in life. So I have a Brita pitcher in my bedroom. Yesterday upon finishing it, I brought it into the kitchen. When I opened the lid, there were about 200 ants crawling about. Some wereRead full post »

DECEMBER 13, 2008 9:58AM

Belle of the Rock Bottom Ball





Okay, somebody has toRead full post »

DECEMBER 12, 2008 3:18PM

The Strange Thing Between my Legs


My good friend Ruby’s is visiting! Yay. 

Cause see, I should go out more (read: get laid). Having a visitor motivates me to move past my social issues (read: I hate people) and mingle with others (get laid).

So I pull out a sexy little dress
Read full post »