Beth Mann's Blog

Beth's Urban Tales of Wonder and Decay

Beth Mann

Beth Mann
Long Beach Island, New Jersey, USA
November 11
Hot Buttered Media
I'm a writer and creative consultant. I have years of experimental comedy and strange theater under my belt. I surf. I cook. I love wine, men and song. And puppies. I effin' love puppies.

Editor’s Pick
JANUARY 17, 2009 10:16AM


I stood there, in full fighting stance, watching my brother intently. If he took one more step toward me, I’d hit him. After years of martial arts training, I had no intention of letting my 58-year old brother, who is my size, lay one bloody hand on me.

Funny, the thoughts… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
JANUARY 8, 2009 3:35PM

I Want to be Micromanaged by Tom Cruise

I don’t have the movie star hots for Tom Cruise. I don’t even like him much as actor. He seems like a shiny little alien on Scientology overdrive. But while in a crowded line at the grocery store, I read about his controlling, obsessive behavior toward his wife Katie Holmes and… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
JANUARY 3, 2009 10:30AM

Tangled Wires

I tried to keep it simple today. Feeling low, I knew it wasn't a day to ask too much of myself (throwing a surprise party for a friend would definitely be out of the question, for instance) but doing nothing can drive the nail deeper.

If you keep it… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
DECEMBER 28, 2008 3:41PM

Slipping into Toothlessness

It's midwinter, you're at the desolate Jersey shore and you're quietly slipping into toothlessness.

It all starts with a missed shower or two. Its just too cold to take off all those layers of clothes. Besides, you're not going to see anyone anyway.

Then shaving your legs strikes you as just silly. I… Read full post »

DECEMBER 28, 2008 3:32PM

Cookie Day 2008

My friend Marianne invited me to her home for Cookie Day 2008. Sure, sure, I’ll go. Christmas cheer, whether I like it or not.

Marianne was one of my sweetest classmates in high school. Always friendly, always trying, always smart, always pretty. But I was always partying, always cool, a… Read full post »

DECEMBER 28, 2008 3:29PM

It's not all about You

I was thinking about that comeback over my stale granola this morning. Such a strange thing to say. "It's not all about you, you know!"

An angry family member who shall remain nameless said that to me once when I refused a family gathering because my friend had recently died. I… Read full post »

DECEMBER 28, 2008 3:26PM

It's a Bird not a Butterfly, Frankie

Meditating at the Jersey shore is never an easy prospect during the heart of summer. Parents tote their children and 16 tons of plasticrap to the beach for a “fun” day, which usually looks like nothing but eye-gouging misery to me.

Families fight, kids whine and leak, big bulbous b… Read full post »

DECEMBER 28, 2008 3:22PM

Seagull Flies

I will lie down in autumn
Let birds be flying
Swept in a hollow by the wind
I’ll wait for dying
I will lie inert unseen
My hair same-colored with grass and leaves
Gather me for the autumn fires
with the withered sheaves
I will sleep face down in the burnt meadow
Not hearing the sound of water ove
Read full post »

DECEMBER 13, 2008 10:22AM

The Fall and Fall of Kenny Blane

Kenny Blane had a fast black car with orange flames painted on it. He would pick me up from high school and I’d slide onto his slippery seat and bask in the curious looks on everyone’s faces. We’d tear out of the parking lot and cruise – which in… Read full post »

DECEMBER 13, 2008 10:20AM

The Brothers

I never really had brothers. I have two biological brothers but I never really had brothers. My family is as disconnected as apple pie and hammers. I do remember some brotherly activity at first – when I was cute and young. My one brother would tease me… Read full post »

Down for the count today. Ear infection from cold water surfing, high fever. As a slightly addictive personality type, I always relish in the cheap high a fever brings - that surreal "I'm a balloon!" feeling.

I went to see the band America many years ago. They were past their prime and… Read full post »

DECEMBER 13, 2008 10:05AM

The Worst Non-Date Ever

(I saw my friend Amanda this week and she wanted me to post one of her favorite old Thrush TV blogs of mine, so here goes:)



Dear Diary:

I logged onto to some “dating” site a few days ago and promptly found an offer from "two very hot guys willing… Read full post »

DECEMBER 13, 2008 10:03AM



I can’t believe I worked at a store called Coconuts. I stood in front of the window yesterday, peering in. Could the clothing be any more offensive? That alone should have stopped me.

Three years ago, I had just moved here from NYC for the summer and… Read full post »

DECEMBER 13, 2008 10:02AM

The Night Connie Francis Came Home with Me

As I sat at the bar eating spaetzle at the only German restaurant in New Jersey, I thought of the song “Lipstick on my Collar.” Hmmm…why did he have lipstick on his collar? Was the traitorous woman making out with Connie’s boyfriend’s collar? Wouldn’t that… Read full post »

DECEMBER 13, 2008 10:00AM

I've Been Drinking Ants for Days

I need water around me at all times. Just another one of my “things.” So I have a Brita pitcher in my bedroom. Yesterday, upon depleting it, I brought it into the kitchen. When I opened the lid, there were about 200 ants crawling about, having a… Read full post »

DECEMBER 13, 2008 9:58AM

Belle of the Rock Bottom Ball




Somebody has to get away from the Jersey coast and right quick before that somebody ends up in a poorly lit rehab with a bunch of old fishermen and ex-Wendy’s employees.

I’m caged in this old house. Caged, I tell you.  And when I go… Read full post »

DECEMBER 12, 2008 3:18PM

The Strange Things Between my Legs


My good friend Ruby’s is visiting! Yay. 

Cause see, I should go out more (read: get laid). Having a visitor motivates me to move past my social issues (read: I hate people) and mingle with others (get laid).

So I pull out a sexy little dress
Read full post »