Beth Mann's Blog
- Long Beach Island, New Jersey, USA
- November 11
- Hot Buttered Media
- I'm a writer and creative consultant. I have years of experimental comedy and strange theater under my belt. I surf. I cook. I love wine, men and song.
And puppies. I effin' love puppies.
MY RECENT POSTS
- It's Just a Truck (Or Why I
Don't Like Michael Stipe)
July 07, 2013 11:27AM
- 10 Screaming, Streaming,
Steaming Netflix Suggestions
June 02, 2013 05:19PM
- You and your Dumb Mental
April 07, 2013 10:12AM
- 10 Rainy Day Streaming Netflix
September 28, 2012 12:41PM
- My Secret Republican Side
August 29, 2012 09:03AM
MY RECENT COMMENTS
- “Alysa, your news
(announced on Facebook) is the
that made me crawl
November 15, 2013 06:14PM
- “Oh friend...you have
been a blessing to so many of
August 05, 2013 08:34AM
- “Thank you for this. Just
July 26, 2013 12:02PM
- “Oh I wish, Ralph. It's a
rust problem--not just the
The fuel lines and
July 11, 2013 07:50AM
- “Yes, vzn, I am comparing
myself to a soap opera actor.
July 10, 2013 12:54PM
Beth Mann's Links
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It's kind of late to be writing about New Year's resolutions but my resolution to stop procrastinating never stuck, so here we are, a month later.
Anyway, there's only one New Year's resolution that's made a difference in my life, one I made many years ago. It was simply to touch people/…
You’re arguing with one of your closest friends and you never argue. After 15 years of… Read full post »
I watched a video by the White Stripes a few days ago at a friend's house. Some hotshot director made it. Lots of fast cuts and random images and money behind it…a very busy video. I couldn’t even hear the song, the visuals were trying so hard to dazzle me. It… Read full post »
I stood there, in full fighting stance, watching my brother intently. If he took one more step toward me, I’d hit him. After years of martial arts training, I had no intention of letting my 58-year old brother, who is my size, lay one bloody hand on me.
Funny, the thoughts… Read full post »
I don’t have the movie star hots for Tom Cruise. I don’t even like him much as actor. He seems like a shiny little alien on Scientology overdrive. But while in a crowded line at the grocery store, I read about his controlling, obsessive behavior toward his wife Katie Holmes and… Read full post »
I tried to keep it simple today. Feeling low, I knew it
wasn't a day to ask too much of myself (throwing a surprise party
for a friend would definitely be out of the question, for instance)
but doing nothing can drive the nail deeper.
If you keep it… Read full post »
It's midwinter, you're at the desolate Jersey shore and you're
quietly slipping into toothlessness.
It all starts with a missed shower or two. Its just too cold to take off all those layers of clothes. Besides, you're not going to see anyone anyway.
Then shaving your legs strikes you as just silly. I… Read full post »
My friend Marianne invited me to her home for Cookie Day 2008. Sure, sure, I’ll go. Christmas cheer, whether I like it or not.
Marianne was one of my sweetest classmates in high school. Always friendly, always trying, always smart, always pretty. But I was always partying, always cool, a… Read full post »
thinking about that comeback over my stale granola this morning.
Such a strange thing to say. "It's not all about you, you know!"
An angry family member who shall remain nameless said that to me once when I refused a family gathering because my friend had recently died. I… Read full post »
Meditating at the Jersey shore is never an easy prospect
during the heart of summer. Parents tote their children and 16 tons
of plasticrap to the beach for a “fun” day, which
usually looks like nothing but eye-gouging misery to me.
Families fight, kids whine and leak, big bulbous b… Read full post »
I will lie down in autumn
Let birds be flying
Swept in a hollow by the wind
I’ll wait for dying
I will lie inert unseen
My hair same-colored with grass and leaves
Gather me for the autumn fires
with the withered sheaves
I will sleep face down in the burnt meadow
Not hearing the sound of water ove… Read full post »
Kenny Blane had a fast black car with orange flames painted on it. He would pick me up from high school and I’d slide onto his slippery seat and bask in the curious looks on everyone’s faces. We’d tear out of the parking lot and cruise – which in… Read full post »
I never really had brothers. I have two biological brothers but I never really had brothers. My family is as disconnected as apple pie and hammers. I do remember some brotherly activity at first – when I was cute and young. My one brother would tease me… Read full post »
Down for the count today. Ear infection from cold water surfing,
high fever. As a slightly addictive personality type, I always
relish in the cheap high a fever brings - that surreal "I'm a
I went to see the band America many years ago. They were past their prime and… Read full post »
I logged onto to some “dating” site a few days ago and promptly found an offer from "two very hot guys willing… Read full post »
I can’t believe I worked at a store called Coconuts. I stood in front of the window yesterday, peering in. Could the clothing be any more offensive? That alone should have stopped me.
Three years ago, I had just moved here from NYC for the summer and… Read full post »
As I sat at the bar eating spaetzle at the only German restaurant in New Jersey, I thought of the song “Lipstick on my Collar.” Hmmm…why did he have lipstick on his collar? Was the traitorous woman making out with Connie’s boyfriend’s collar? Wouldn’t that… Read full post »
I need water around me at all times. Just another one of my “things.” So I have a Brita pitcher in my bedroom. Yesterday, upon depleting it, I brought it into the kitchen. When I opened the lid, there were about 200 ants crawling about, having a… Read full post »
Somebody has to get away from the Jersey coast and right quick
before that somebody ends up in a poorly lit rehab with a bunch of
old fishermen and ex-Wendy’s employees.
I’m caged in this old house. Caged, I tell you. And when I go… Read full post »
Ruby’s visiting. Good. Cause see, I’m supposed to be going out more and meeting people (read: getting laid) since my life at the Jersey shore has become a little too solitary. With my friend visiting, I have more impetus to get over my social issues (read: I hate people) and have… Read full post »
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