[This was first published at RedRoom.com, another great site for writers.]
When I read Patti Davis’s recent article in More magazine, where she “bares all” at 58, I was poised in my seat, prepared to feel inspired.
My body, like hers, has been built from scratch. I too have a chemically-laden past from which I’ve broken free. I too found my physical strength later in life and now surf in competitions in addition to being a recommended black belt in Taekwondo. I love exercise. I love competition.
Then why did I feel irked by her article instead?
Perhaps the media play-up was annoying: “Oh my god. Can you believe she’s posing nude at 58?” Is that really what we find so incredible in this day and age? What did you think she had going on underneath those fine designer clothes of hers? Dusty skeletal remains? She’s 58, not 402.
Or maybe it was the “Yeah, if I worked with a team of personal trainers, nutritionists and chefs, I’d look pretty damn good too” voice playing in this jaded middle class head of mine. Money can obviously buy you a toned body, whether it’s real or manufactured or both. So she writes check well?
And finally, where is the victory in showing another woman with an uber-fit body? Doesn’t the real problem lie with the rest of the bodies that we don’t find acceptable? Namely, the other 95% of the female populace? The message remains the same: look like you're 20-something and you win. Eternal youthfulness is the unrealistic gold standard by which we all must dutifully adhere.
Then it was her elbow comment; Patti Davis doesn’t like them apparently. They look old to her. This is when I feel considerably less inspired. That never-ending magnifying and micro-managing that most women do with their bodies has reduced us to such petty creatures. So she’s got a smoking hot bod at 58, but those elbows of hers keep haunting her. (Elbows shouldn’t haunt you. Just as a rule.)
Last week, I had a young man in my outdoor shower (a long but beautifully sordid story). He pushed the wet hair back from my forehead. I saw him examining the gray hairs that I’ve let grow in as of late. The painful self-consciousness I felt was overwhelming. I turned away from him, feeling once again flawed, wrong.
Yet an equal part of me wanted to turn around and shout: “Yes, they’re fucking gray hairs. I’m 44 years old. If you don’t like them, go find someone else who has the energy to fight the tide of time better than me!”
God, who can keep up? Who wants to?
Ultimately, Patti Davis is still an inspiration. (And I still had amazing sex in the shower, in spite of my "glaring imperfections.") She has a good, healthy take on her body and what it means to her. I’m not discounting that. I do admire her.
But the messaging underneath remains insidious and tedious: look young at all costs. Society will give you props for turning back time. Thing is, time only has one direction. For all of us. (Shhh...don't tell anyone. It's a secret.)
My (Very Strict) Personal Trainer Behind Me
TIP:
Enter the amount, and click "Tip" to submit!
thinkfeel
Andy Wolfenson
Lorijanean
Martell Conley
Bonnie Council
NEMac
Salon.com
Comments
And who's elbows don't look old regardless of your real age. They are wrinkled and bony and I have never heard of an elbow fetish. I worry more about the mole on the back of my leg than hair or wrinkles. Thankfully it hasn't changed in 20 years so I don't worry too much.
I had to fave you yet once again.. that is the 3rd person I have lost this week.
Rated with hugs
I agree with you about aging. My tennis friends know all about the white hair that is coming at my hairline, since I pull it back in a ponytail, but I have to admit, I'm having it colored tomorrow!
Great story~
To the rest of you, a hearty hello, greetings, miss you, love you.
Haven't been around much lately. Checking in a bit more today. Frankly, the site slowdown was such a deterrent. Rumor has it it will be running smoothly soon. Today, it seems good. But my god, there were times pages just wouldn't load, no matter how long.
So people keep buying the foods, magazines, diet fads, signing up for the xpensive workshops and trainers. We are commodifying youth and the image of youth, but it is fleeting and unobtainable, which is PRECISELY why it is so profitable.
If Capitalists truly found the so-called "fountain of youth" in some magical world, no doubt they would try to hide it. There would be no profit in it, as it would be a one-time deal. Built-in obsolescence and the quest for perpetual spending on the unobtainable---these are the things that keep the elite rich, and turn the rest of us into easily exploited hamsters running on the wheel of capitalist exploitation.
As an old guy let me go on record: OLDER WOMEN ROCK!
To misquote Bonnie Raitt - "Ain't the (older) meat, it's the motion." and E-motion.
I've been scarce too, nice to see you back.
And in my case, even though I am indeed flawless, I generously forgive flaws in others. ;)
And the casual mention of your shower fun . . . perfectly placed and icing on the cake for the theme of this post. Damn, woman . . . you can write!
Nature, in time and through the "natural" processes of entropy, disease, deterioration and collapse, inexorably and indifferently steals our strength, our health, our youth, our choices, our friends, our family, our independence. Nature will eat us alive, and our children, too. The struggle to carve out a little clearing, a little space and time in which we can hold off the overwhelming assault of Nature is the human struggle, is the entire point of culture, of medicine, of individuality, of civilization. Since we emerged as individual identities from the roiling biosphere of Earth's history, human beings want the power to call the shots, and we refuse to concede to the consuming, churning, primordial soup that is Nature until the very last moment when we take our very last breath.
I wish people would stop knocking those who front line the struggle to stave off the assaults of Nature in their own bodies. The desire for health, for vitality, for strength, for beauty into maturity is a struggle against Nature. Yes, it is hubristic — doomed to failure. But it is the heroic struggle. It is a major part of what distinguishes us as human beings. As such, I wish Patty well with the, er, elbow-maintenance thing. END RANT. r.
"The message remains the same: look like you're 20-something and you win. Eternal youthfulness is the unrealistic gold standard by which we all must dutifully adhere." So true. The bottom line is we don't have to buy into the message but it is so hard to ignore when it is paraded in front of our faces 24/7. I was at a bar with a girlfriend recently. She's fifty and I'm not far behind. Someone (we knew) made the joke that we were "cougars." Then corrected it to say we were "old cougars." Regardless of how we look, I FEEL like I'm 18 and hope I still feel this way at 68. Good post.
She looks good, but I've seen many bodies due to my profession, and most people do until about 70 or so. I mean, you may notice the changes yourself, but still look very healthy to an objective outsider.
As far as her personally. They don't show in this photo, but I'd actually put in some work to have arms that look as well defined and good as hers do. Alas, even with exercise, I've got t-rex arms. :p It's annoying and all genetics.
You should be comfortable in yours. I sense plenty of lovely there.
You should be comfortable in yours. I sense plenty of lovely there.
and knees
and feet
O, My!
We all want to cheat death.
“There’s always going to be somebody younger or sexier. That’s why I like to say, and it’s become my famous line, ‘Funny doesn’t sag.’”
That's my M.O. from here on out!
When you smile!
You're one hot mamma, inside and out. And don't you dare forget it.
Langer with heat pump prices inc