Hmm, some reason Bubba is placed between tickling and Scotch? Great list.

Liked the list. Love Funions. Sometimes I go to the mall just to see if anyone slips and falls.
rated

Funyons?

I really do love cigarettes. I REALLY do not love GYN exams. Other than those, I'm with you.

Oh, Ann. My relationship with cigarettes goes way back. I don't consider myself a smoker, but I can have these sudden random bouts. I don't get it. Haven't had one in a while but it hits like a tornado.

Sally, I was going to ditch Clinton but my friend insisted he stays.

Funions or Funyons, Mical. I see two different spellings. It's a tomato/tomahto thing, I think.

As for a gyn exam, I always find them rather fun. They're so perfectly unnatural.

What? I love Bill Clinton. And maybe, wasabi.

Lifetime movies- yes! Why the hell do I watch those things...and yet...

Hmmm. with you on most of them. But I LOVE scotch and detest GYN exams. Thought provoking, though...

Clever list, and to think that Clinton was cool.
Rated.

Great list.

Super whitened teeth. I love to look at them. But also hate them.

Also figs.

There are many things on that list that I either have never had or just avoid.

Removing splinters...I think that could be added.

ummm, you love Gyn exams? I'd like to meet your specialist.

Okay...I never love being tickled, pure torture. Wasabi though--well that's nothing but love for me.

too funny!

fun yun. alright.
scotch, I don't hate... or Clinton.
But I think this is good, for a difficult list to make Beth.. and Dame

Clinton must stay. I so love and appreciate him but am still pissed at him for letting his guard down and causing such a mess. Smokes, yep.
Cough syrup--hmmm. Fun post to read.

Uh, yes to all. I especially love Public Access Television (I used to have my own show, they let you do anything...) and I tell the truth and I love it, but sometimes people hate me for telling them. What a good list!
More top tens I say!
R!!!

#4 kicks ass! Woooo!

The gyn exams make me feel like I can get right up and pen a full fledged tragedy. A Greek one. Like I'm qualified.
I love, love scotch.
The rest, I'm with you.
Arugula, wasabi; they attack and I love it!

GYN Exams...giving them or getting them? (now I know why Clinton is on the list)

scotch first, then bill. ;

As always, an excellent list, even if I can't agree on all counts!

Excellent list! although I'll pass on the cough syrup & the exam...As for the the cigarettes, I've never smoked, but I had a Canadian boyfriend who smoked all the time & I liked his kisses, which I guess is a love it/hate it, too.

Eating Funions while having a gyn exam.

Not pretty.

But true.

Can I add something that is just awfully awful? I've been needing to write it down somewhere all day, and your post hit the jackpot ;)

Long toenails. Especially long painted toenails with that weird decorative stuff that some people have going on. I was standing in a line today and was horrified by the toenails of the woman in front of me. Looong red toenails with white little swirly things painted on them. If I didn't hate feet so much, I may have whipped out my nail clippers and worked her over.

Funions just saved an otherwise awful day. Bless you, Beth Mann.

Popping zits. Dontcha love the spurters?

And what the heck are funions?

Watching someone slip and fall...
and then watching them jump back up again before anyone see. I love it. Someday karma is going to get me though.

A very funny post.

I'd have to replace arugula with flying. I love arugula. Flying is a pain, but it means that you're going somewhere.

Yes, Cartouche - I'd have to agree with you there. I hate flying - with a passion (too close to the germy, coughing people and no air to breathe) but at the other end of that hell is a new world.

As for wasabi, I love it too. But if you've ever taken too much of it, you go through that wonderfully torturous moment where you don't think you'll make it.

Arugula is one of my favorites - but it does have a life of its own. As Gail put it, it attacks. It's an attack vegetable!

Scotch, I do love. It's the only hard liquor I enjoy. But it's such a strong and distinctive taste - kinda like mold and smoke turned into booze. Certainly an acquired taste. Anything that requires an acquired taste, there's some love/hate there.

I think Public Access exemplifies the list best of all, frankly. That is hell and heaven all rolled into one. (And its one of the last vestiges of truly free speech, so grab it if you can. The cable companies will slowly do away with it. The $2000 it takes to run it is a little too much for their thin wallets.)

Anyway, public access has been good to me. And I've seen things on public access...I still can't talk about. What a weird and wonderful platform for people.

How about scratching an itch? Sometimes I love it, sometimes I hate it. Usually both.

I'm still scarred from a make-out session with a guy who'd just had funions. Not "fun" at all!! Every time I see the bag in a store :shudder:

Brilliant...! xx A

I have to admit, I am in like w Bubba...not a shred of un-like, or hatred.

Never tried arugula. Cough syrup is yummy. Pain hurts; I'm not a masochist. Can't eat funions 'cause I'm lactose intolerant; yes, they're made with milk! The Truth can set you free but can also make you miserable. Yay, Public Access Television! I remember cigarettes fondly (13 years without 'em now). Watching someone slip and fall is only fun in silent movies. Being tickled is torture; if you tickle me, prepare to die! Bill Clinton is sexy and smart; very appealing. Scotch tastes like turpentine; don't ask how I know. What's a Lifetime Movie Event? Splinter removal is better than splinter insertion. Wasabi can get me high, in small doses. GYN exams are scary because they force me to think about the possibility of having cancer.

Well, Clinton has his share of back-turning and skeletons in his closet - anyone would admit that. That's why he's on the list. But he's done an incredible amount of good work as well. And he's still pretty hot to boot!

Eva, I can't believe there's milk in Funions...I think I'm going to be sick.

For those who don't know, Lifetime produces some pretty schlocky, made for TV chick flicks. You could lose a whole afternoon, being sucked into their "women's world."

As for pain, we're talking that wax-dripping pain, not the crippling, chronic type.

I guess the gyn exam is mine only...shoot. My gyn is so nice and friendly and interested in me as a person. He always makes me feel good and I'm not afraid of an exam. I know he knows what he's doing. Trust me, it's not walk in the park - hence why its on The Wonderfully Awful list! Guess what my doctor's name is?

Dr. Trim.

Partay.

I have a very special memory of watching my ex-husband slip and fall down a flight of stairs in our home. I laughed at him then and I still conjure up the memory for a much-needed giggle now.

I plan on being the one who makes s'mores in Hell.

clearly you have not met my twins -

which makes me wonder if the general category "kids" isn't appropriate ...

btw - I'm ashamed to say that watching someone slip and fall or trip or get hit with something will leave me doubled over with pee running down my leg - I can't help myself. I'm going to hell - I already know.

I was once at a party and someone (I don't think it was me!) was talking about the horror of GYN exams. A man said, "Well, didn't the doctor say something to put you at ease?" To which I said, "How the hell can anyone put you at ease when you're lying spread eagle on a table with your feet stuck in stirrups?" To this day, I find no joy in stirrups. Or GYN exams.

But cigarettes are another story. I'm an ex-smoker who, without constant, rigid vigilance, could so easily start lighting up again. Sometimes nothing else will do.

Why is WINE missing the list??

I always suspected about the GYN exams but was afraid to speak up.

Listerine.

Okay, put some OS suggestions in there.

ZBitch, wine is nothing but good. Nothing but good. Wine is one of my raison d'etres.

Maria, I hear you. There are some moments, nothing can touch a cigarette. Nothing. It's a one-of-a-kind oral fixation that feels brilliant at the time! And it looks so cool...too bad it's so...deadly and all.

Oh shoot! I forgot Cartouche's flying. Just imagine it there for now. Ack...and another one.

I have to go teach class. It's snowing again - is this some sort of meteorological joke?

Last summer when we were in Europe, my wife tripped and fell twice. My daughter and I still laugh hysterically about it. I thought we were sick puppies, but I guess we are normal. Though we should have stayed out of those Amsterdam "cafes."

As for '1_Irritated_Mother's suggestion of "kids" - amen to that!

Re #8: The guy falling off the ski jump on The Wide World of Sports ("the agony of defeat"): greatest sports moment ever.

Gyn visits? GYN VISITS?!

No. Freakin'. Way.

Here's mine: Pimple popping. Oh yeah.

then there's blogging on OS, which gives me no shortage of something to do, when I already have no shortage of things to do

yes to the wallow that is Lifetime movies.

I would add: Other People.

And beets. (hate beets, love borscht)

I read it once and thought it was kind of funny. Then I read it again and thought, I don't even know what a couple of these are. Then I read it again and started getting irritated that I was reading it again.
So add #19 maybe: lists

Cough syrup? I'd change that to a sudafed that gets stuck and then starts melting and then augh! Great list.

I LOVE THIS LIST...BOYS & GIRLS...and the posts (Thanks Beth!!!) Additional things that I think are wonderfully awful: (1) Having a smooth move (in my bathroom at home)...that feels like I've given birth to a submarine. "Oh...what a relief it truly is." Makes me feel 2lbs.lighter & ready for a cigarette. Y.E.S! (2) BBC WORLD NEWS - I love this show & try not to miss a daily episode, however, I can only watch it sitting up. If I lay down to watch it....I always fall asleep. "PURE - GRAPHIC - RAW - INFORMATIVE - NO HYPE - A BELOVED BORE!!! (3) Anticipating the R.U.S.H. of kissing my partner (after a long work day & sharing some phone sex between meetings)...then we see each other...I begin to pucker as I approach...and our lips meet...only to experience the worst breath ever. YUK!!! But it's so good (?!) YES!!! I must place "kissing someone with YUK BREATH on the list. "Halitosis Heaven" is kinky, wonderfully awful, one of life's devalued delights, and my little sample of the American Dream...up close & personal. Finally...(4) HIGH SCHOOL CLASS REUNIONS (not the TV show but attending my own). The "10" year reunion was fantastic...seeing everyone and comparing notes (and waist sizes visually). WHAT A GAS-GAS-GAS! By the time the 20th class reunion rolled around...many former classmates had begun to peel, ball, fade, slump, and ramble. I felt good, looked good, and life has been kind...however, looking around at others that I went to school with was SCARY...and I wanted INSTANT DIS-ASSOCIATION.
"WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE," I exclaimed...and why do they look like my parents. (I vowed never to attend another...after seeing many sad attempts at doing the BUMP...that looked as though they were in the ER, seeking medical attention...with some leaving the reunion dance, for the local ER). I was blackmailed (by a beloved high school friend) into going to my 30th high school reunion...YES! I KNOW I SAID THAT I WOULD NOT EVER GO to another one...but it's like when the circus comes to town every year... you know that you've seen it all before but you just can't resist going back for more...just in case there is something new. Besides, my buddy & partner teamed up and made me go. Had a great time, but looking through 30 year old looking glass is wonderfully awful...and a bit sad at how some of my former classmates are aging. This year, we are beginning to make plans for our 40th (My GOD!!!) reunion...a cruise, to occur in two years (don't bother doing the math). YES... I'm not only going...I am on the planning committee. HIGH SCHOOL REUNIONS DEFINITELY BELONG ON THIS LIST...IN ALL IT'S SEASONED - SELECTIVE MEMORY & GLORY...WHEN THE BS IS NOT ONLY BEARABLE...IT'S WONDERFULLY AWFUL...AND I WOULDN'T MISS IT. Love&Light To All

Light of Selah, tell it like it is.

Actually it's a little known fact that Funyons were invented by a 300lb hippie nicknamed "The Wook" at a Grateful Dead concert circa 1986. Outback Steakhouse refused to deliver a "Bloomin' Onion" to the parking lot, and, y'know, he really really wanted a "Bloomin' Onion" man.

Oh, and I asked my wife about the gyn thing, and she emphatically says "NO. That dame must be nuts." Hey, I stuck up for you man, but it was really hard to as she explained what went on at those "visits"

:-) Funion post!

Yes, yes, yes, no to the funions, the GYN, and the ciggies, yes, yes, yes. Funny post!

MJ, I don't know whether to believe your funion story!

Okay, so I'm the lone woman who appreciates my gyn exam. I love medicine and doctors! I find it exciting and I'm not squeamish when it comes to exams. I like the feeling afterward as well: I did something for myself and my health. And my sexual organs are healthy and ready to go! Woo hoo!

I recently had tons of gyn exams because of fibroids(not funyuns)

Jealous?

May I add:
Nancy Grace's Urgent news alerts- when there is nothing particularly urgent about the alert, and the viewer can't react accordingly anyhow etc.

I like a lot of your points, however I don't smoke. Cough syrup is described as tasting like a cross between licorice and amaretto. Unless, it's Benadryl or Dimetapp-it tastes decent. My kids always liked how Robitussin and Dimetapp tasted.

There are some Lifetime movies that are guilty pleasures and not half bad. Then there are some that are just plain awful. The ones that are true stories are pretty watchable.

Thanks Beth...I always "tell it like it is." Those that know me well both love and appreciate my frankness, truthfulness, and brutal realism. HAVEN'T EVER FOUND THAT BUSH THAT I WAS SUPPOSED TO BEAT AROUND...MY SISTER!!!

Anyway...no...you are not alone, in thinking of GYN exams as a wonderfully awful experience. I, too, have enjoyed this yearly experience...for many of the reasons that you stated. Getting the clean (literal) bill of health, being good to myself by making my health a top priority, etc. However, I love the visits, for many other reasons, as well.

Here's the skinny GIRLFRIEND! I had my first GYN EXAM at age 16. I was a virgin, one of those baby boomers who was indoctrinated by social morals, family ethos, and religious dogma...to be the quintessential "good girl." For many of us (stricken with these conditions), you kept your legs closed...until marriage, a reasonable promise of intent, or you just couldn't hold out any longer and simply weakened (both in your resolve and in the knees).

So imagine my dismay when my mom (whose idea of discussing sex with me was to give me a copy of :EVERYTHING YOU ALWAYS WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT SEX - BUT WAS AFRAID TO ASK), announced that she had made me an appointment for my first GYN exam, at her doctor's office. Like many good Christian girls born in the 50's, with a mom and grandmothers like the ones that I had (who had many children but you just couldn't imagine these women "doing it"); my knowledge of sex was restricted to what I had overheard from my older female cousins, girlfriends, female classmates in gym class (Yes..we had locker room chatter, too..DIDN'T WE LADIES?!); and the 5th & 8th grade maturation films at school. By age 16, I had kissed boys, but had not experienced the heavy petting that I had heard so much about. NO ONE HAD EVER TOUCHED MY PRIVATE PARTS BUT ME...AND THAT WAS LIMITED TO ONLY HYGIENIC PURPOSES, IF YOU GET MY DRIFT.

The day of my exam, I was so nervous (more terrified), that I wanted to back out, but my mom insisted...and off we went. When we reached the doctors office...this old-gray haired- bearded man approached my mom. THIS IS THE DOCTOR THAT IS GOING TO EXAMINE ME...YIK@#! He looked like my grandfather & priest... morph'd into one body. No way is this fud going to see my precious 16 year old VA-J-J. I looked at my mom, grabbed her arm (at the horror of it all)...then she made excuses for my behavior by telling the doctor, "Please Excuse My Daughter Dr. M...she is a little nervous." It was then that the good doctor informed my mom that he would not be doing my exam, but his new assistant, Dr. W. DR.W??? WHO???WHAT??? My nerves were shot, and that alone was new for me since I was in my parish and school choirs, loved being in plays and on stage, loved giving speeches, great in sports, great student...and never was one to succumb to cases of nerves or panic attacks. I was mortified, at the thought of taking off my plaid jumper, crisp white blouse, and the dreaded undergarments (panties...for those that don't know what undergarments are) and letting someone ....WHAT? I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT! LIKE I SAID...MY MOM DIDN'T DISCUSS THESE THINGS. The nurse came and led me to the examining room; instructed me to undress-put on the gown & sit on the examining table. To make matters even worst...NO ONE HAD TOLD ME ABOUT PLACING MY FEET IN SOME ARCHAIC/PRE-VICTORIAN TORTURE DEVICE KNOW AS "STIRRUPS". I think it was there that I experienced my first religious epiphany, by praying to God (with all fervor) to come quick, save me, deliver me from this and swallow me up whole.

Then, girlfriend (and for all of you ladies that can appreciate my re-telling of this wonderfully-awful experience)...this young, gorgeous, tall, dark & gloriously fine man entered the room...and introduced himself as Dr.W. "GOD DID HEAR MY PRAYERS AND I'VE DIED AND GONE TO HEAVEN." To say that this man was beautiful would be an understatement. Needless to say...I couldn't wait to lay on that table, spread eagle, put my feet in the metal torture chamber...and dream a little dream...for a little while. When he began to examine me, I remember smiling and closing my eyes...as his soft fingers began to work it's magic (I mean...perform the exam!). When it was over and my consciousness was restored (all too soon, of course); as my mom & I were leaving...she ask me, "How was it Baby?" I replied, "it was okay." How could I tell my beloved mom that I had just experienced my first orgasm, or thank her for taking me to get "finger-f 'kd" (a.k.a GYN EXAM). Moms, like gynecological exams, can be awful sometimes...but they sure can be "UNEXPECTANTLY WONDERFUL." By the way: something else that I wasn't warned about or prepared for, after experiencing my first GYN exam: somehow the doctor put some kind of clear liquid in me...with his fingers; because after the exam - I dripped & leaked... all the way home (and every time I thought of Dr. W). FANCY THAT!!! I would later discover what that liquid was...while in college. Only one word describes this wonderfully-awful experience...BOOM-SHOCKA-LOCKA-LOCKA!!!
Love&Light To All

Shaden fruede.
Rated.

trudi, I often forget what shaden freude means, let alone how to pronounce it. because of you, and some research, i shant forget it.

light of selah, you're my new best friend. your gyn experience certainly rivals mine. but the way you tell it, it's so fun and wild...i'm sure we all can't wait to hear more from you, missy!

yes, many crossovers there. I feel like I have been blessed with very gentle, kind and semi-handsome gyns who really like me. they always make me feel so welcome and taken care of. i like pushing past the boundaries of my uncomfortability as well. truth be told, i don't mind getting naked. taint no big thing for me. it's freeing. it's also nice to have people's hands on your body. it's connective and good for your soul i think. it's a different kind of touching, obviously...but its still touch from someone you like and who likes you. in short, its a cheap sexual thrill. there. i said it! ha....thanks for making my day.

Yeah. I hated GYM exams too, especially the pull ups and the... oooooohhh, sorry (*slinking off*)

Gabby ~ gym, lol *cracking up a bit*
All of this list is just too funny, my eyes are tired from looking at the computer for too long yet I can't stop surfing OS. Can we add the internet to the list, lol, love it / hate it / can't live without it yet want to take my computer out to a field and . . . well . . . you have seen the movie office space right?

..........................my stapler

God, yes, Raven. The Internet should be number 1.

Good list!

A good intestine cleansing BM should get an honorable mention.