Some people are going to hate this post - they only like information that conforms to their existing beliefs. 

First of all, some background.  I’m a telemarketing supervisor, going on 5 years now.  Term life insurance. I worked my way up from phone jockey to shift leader to site supervisor.  Before this I previously worked as a bill collector, waitress, cashier, hotel maid, exotic dancer, babysitter, and bait girl on a charter fishing boat.  Really.  And this job is better than all of my past ones.  Now, are you ready to be offended with some unpleasant reality checks?  Okay, here goes . ..

Myth #1 – unemployment is abnormal, or rare – Get real.  I’m a single mom. I’ve been unemployed in the past.  And I expect to be again, several times, before  I “retire”.  If you want lifetime employment with zero risk of layoff, become a government drone.  You mostly have to commit a felony to get separated from your job.  The gummint has never gone bankrupt and let most of its employees go (California is my pick to test this theory, however).  If a lifetime of working for a faceless bureaucracy with little hope of advancement, and surly co-workers who hate their “customers” (public school students, social security pensioners, drivers license applicants, etc) appeals to you, then look no further.  You’ve found your niche.   Everyone else, read on.

Myth #2 – a liberal arts degree qualifies you for “something” – It doesn’t.  Again, I should know – I have 2 of them. English Literature and Cultural Anthropology.   People tell me I should be a teacher.  I tell them they’re idiots, because a love of literature has nothing to do with teaching.  Teaching requires an education degree, paying dues to the teachers union, and a high tolerance for kids and parents who could care less, while you try to salvage the ones who do.   Did you know that teachers have the lowest average SAT scores of any college degreed profession in America?  (Now you do. Google it if you doubt me).   You have the same job problem if you majored in Cultural Anthropology, History, French, “Ethnic Studies”, “Women’s Studies”, Sociology, . . some things are just for personal enrichment, and have little relationship to the job market.  I’m not saying avoid literature.  But maybe pair that with some courses in accounting, nursing, or software engineering, no?

Myth #3 – you get jobs by sending out resumes, or filling out forms – This is probably the most widely held, and tragically wrong concept.   How many times have you heard “I sent out 300 resume’s last month” (or actually did this yourself?).  People get interviewed because of personal  recommendations. They get hired on looks, personality, and attitude.  Humans don’t even read resumes or online applications any more.  They invented machines to do that.  If you won the Nobel Prize for telemarketing, and the machine picked up this tidbit in paragraph 2 of your resume, you might get a call. Otherwise, you’re doomed.  Unless you have relevant experience in such and such a field.  Which you don’t, otherwise your professional associates in that field would talking you up at their own companies and you’d be getting interviews based on their personal recommendations.   Yes it really does work that way.

Myth #4 – things are going to “get better” if Obama keeps his job, or if Romney takes it away from him.   Sorry, not gonna happen.  Irrelevant degrees, lack of job experience, and a blizzard or resume’s aren’t going to be more effective in 2013 than they were last year or the year before.  If you have no skills, you have to start at the bottom.  Probably start at the bottom several times.  And people who have skills in certain defunct areas – like automobile assembly line worker, bank teller, real estate appraiser, letter carrier – face it, your job is so NOT coming back.  You need to pick something else entirely.  Today.

Myth #5 – honing your writing skills on Open Salon is somehow “helping” you to land a job later on.   Nothing could be further from the truth.  If you’re out of work right now, then rising at 10 am, spending half the day in front of your PC and getting energized over some political arcania is most of the reason you haven’t connected with a job yet.   Get out the door before 8am,and physically visit the businesses – or agencies – you naively assume you’d like to work at.  They will be SHOCKED that someone actually showed up in person.  The manager you need to talk to won’t be available, you’ll be told repeatedly.  Be persistent, but polite, and have impeccably perfect resumes to leave (use at least 20# bond paper, not copier paper) with your picture on it: “When can I come back?”   Try to make it an official appointment.   What number should you call to confirm?  Your turndown rate will be 95%+ with this tactic, but you WILL BE remembered.  And it beats – by a wide margin - the 100% turndown rate from churning out 300 online or snail mail resumes a month, while you scarf down bagels at your keyboard   And eventually you WILL get a job. Not your dream job, though.  You only get that after 10 years or so of hard work and progressively better personal results and increasing responsiblity.   The people who can’t hack it will quit or be fired, and because you persevered, you will prevail.

Quick tidbits and reminders for job supplicants –

·         Be cheerful and polite.  You’re immediately rejected if you fail either of these simple tests

·         Be attractive.  You can’t lose 20 pounds this week. But your clothes should be clean, unwrinkled, fit, and appropriate for the position you’re seeking.  If you have facial piercings and hardware, lose them for the interview, unless you’re applying for a job in that field. Those things are honestly scary to vanilla bosses.

·         Every business exists to make money.  If they don’t, they go bankrupt.  Be mindful of this when you get asked an off the wall question like “What do you think you can do for us, then?”.   The winning answer is a variation on “increase sales; help customers solve their problems; drive repeat business; improve product quality”. 

·         Thank the interviewer – by mail – within 24 hours.  And the person who got you the interview, if that’s how it happened.  Positive reinforcement.

If you get a bad vibe from a workplace or interviewer, trust your instincts.  Don’t take a job you know you’ll hate.  Remember how much you hated some OTHER job in the past?  Don’t go there again.  But prepared for challenges and less than ideal duties initially.  The really good jobs aren’t passed out to strangers.