I came across this written by a fellow member who will forever remain anonymous and posted it myself because I thought it was funny, clever, and it made me laugh...

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I probably will never post this:

OS to English Translation Guide

There are so many new people joining Open Salon every day and they may have trouble figuring out all of the OS terminology. I post this translation guide to assist the newbies who are trying to feel at home in the blogosphere.

“Rated.” When used as an entire comment: “Your post sucked, but I don’t have the heart to tell you.”

“R.” When used as an entire comment: “Wow, your post REALLY sucked.”

“Rated with hugs.” Your post sucked, but at least Linda Seccaspina likes you.

“Ed I Tor” Whimsical name for Emily, the editor of OS. Correct way to curry favor with Emily: send her flowers. Incorrect way to curry favor with Emily: refer to her as “The Bride of Tinkenstein.”

“EDITOR’S PICK” (EP) A label arbitrarily given to posts that nobody wants to read, as opposed to Tinkpicks or Zumapicks, which are given to posts that people actually read and enjoy.

“Cross-posting.” When your post is considered salacious enough to be exposed to the trolls who comment on Big Salon. Not as much fun as pounding your head against the wall for four hours, but the pay is the same.

“Meta post” A transparent attempt to dominate the “Top Rated” feed.

“Technical support” n/a

“Avatar” Icon in the upper left-hand corner of your page. Usually a photo of the author, unless he or she is wanted by the police.

“Blogiversary” “I’ve been here for a full year. NOW will you read me?”

“Flame wars / dust-ups” Wherever some combination of Fett, Emma, Trig and Nanatehay show up on the same blog.

“Alter egos” 1) “I’m too prolific for one blog.” 2) A sneaky, unethical way to increase one’s ratings (allegedly). 3) “Whose character can I assassinate anonymously?”

“Blogwhoring” The announcement of your latest post by sending a mass PM that is immediately deleted by all of its recipients. Alternate definition: the only way to get readers.

“If you don’t wish to receive my blogwhoring PMs, just tell me and I will delete you from my list and not take offense.” Yeah, right.

“Maestro” God’s gift to literature; God’s gift to women; man’s man. Alternate definition: arrogant, self-righteous scribbler whose talent is much smaller than his ego, though probably not smaller than his genitals, who flounces whenever the moon reaches a new phase and can’t get a novel published because publishing houses can’t handle his “unique talent.”

“Potroast” See maestro.

“I’m a real writer.” “I’ve actually gotten paid to put pen to paper and I still get lower ratings than you illiterate, snot-nosed punks?”

“I don’t write here anymore.” “I only come here to complain about how much the writing sucks, and I’d rather do that than spend time at the mythical website where the writing is of the highest quality.”

“Tippem.” An April Fool’s joke gone awry. Like the “I’m under 18” button on a porn site, nobody has ever clicked on it.

“Blog ads” A way to make money off your own blog page. Reportedly, one OSer was able to buy a candy bar once, but that may be urban legend.

“Paid writing gig” Definitely an urban legend.

“Spambots” Spam creators who slip the OS editors a Mickey on the weekends so they can control the OS feed and have their own office party in OS headquarters. Note: do not use the OS Xerox machines on Monday mornings until they have been thoroughly disinfected.

“Flounce” “I hate this place and I’m leaving, but before I do, I just want to say, ‘Fuck you and the horse you rode in on!’ See you tomorrow, guys!”