I'd like to ask everone to consider a question;
Which opinions matter to you, and from who?
Can you dismiss provocative or simply nasty comments directed at you without emotional turmoil? Do ALL opinions matter to you? This is a very important question to ask ourselves in order to help us understand why or even if we should become upset at another person's words.
As I responded recently in a comment, I'm hurt only if I receive criticism from someone I respect. Otherwise, have at me, flog me with an arsenal of vitriolic dialogue - I will shrug and walk away, virtually or otherwise.
This wasn't always the case - I spent too much of my youth taking the wrong things to heart before I finally realized that it was rather stupid on my part. True and lasting respect is earned. Think of the people you most respect in your life and ask yourself why you respect them. It's doubtful that any of your reasons would fall into the "just because" category. And, of course you respect their opinions as well.
Some people love to provoke, it's a sport for them. Do we respect them? Of course not. So why should their words have any weight towards destroying our peace of mind?
So if you receive a comment or an email that cuts you deep, ask yourself; Is this from someone I respect?
(the above thoughts are in response to the rampant nastiness that has come to a boil in recent days here on OS)
Related Post & Podcast
How to deal with difficult people; Buddhist wisdom for ALL
TIP:
Enter the amount, and click "Tip" to submit!
Judy Berman
hyblaean- Julie
PlannerDan
liza Donnelly
Gabby Abby
O'Really?
Salon.com
Comments
The core of Buddhist ideals is "to do no harm" By your own words you aim to hurt people with your words so that you can provoke them into losing their temper - and thus you "win"
Also, keep in mind that everyone here is new - except for those few that were Beta Testers - no one started here until August of last year.
Harry - HA! And also so so true and very sad.
I appreciate your effort to add a voice of reason to the discourse.
I think that it won't work. There are just too many people invested in the drama.
I do my best to ignore it all, and I am right now reconsidering posting this response---
I have thought of posting on the subject myself---but it would be brief--as in ----"People, move the fuck on." But Artsfish, as always, you are are more gracious than me and have offered a kind and wise word on the topic.
The whole personal attack thing is a real turn-off to me. It's always propagated by just a few. If I were the King of Open Salon I'd throw the handful of bums off and have done with it. People say "oh, just ignore it," but a lot of times its hard to ignore. In my experience when people can make personal attacks in an internet venue, with impunity, it's very destructive and distracting, and makes the whole experience unpleasant for many.
I don't know what the Buddha would say about difficult people on Open Salon, but I know what Tony Soprano would say, and at this point I'm more of a Tony Soprano devotee with respect to internet venues.
By the way, the photo of your table is quite lovely. Just looking at it makes me feel peaceful. But I'd still throw the bums out. Perhaps in the next life I'll have better insight . . . .
New blog - why are you hiding behind a new avatar?
Jimgalt - I think that there is criticism and then there is insult. One, of course is a vehicle for a pleasant discourse and the other is not.
mishma - exactly - commentary and messages should never be a vehicle for personal attack. Aside from being hurtful it's a waste of everyone's time. Ha - Tony Soprano! Thanks for the compliment. It's one of my favorite places in the house.
Ariana - yep , we're all newbies. Just go to a user's blog and look at their first posts. You won't find many earlier than August.
But..its still very hard. Unless you are perfectly secure in yourself, the jabs are hard to pull out without some bleeding...
I am only half successful at this...in spite of knowing much better.
Can't wait to see your basement when it's done!
That results in a dwindling genetic pool so to speak, which may not be unwelcome, seperation seems to create diversity between sites that survive.
Shutting down diversity WITHIN a community seems to be the over-riding order. Power to mold the individual.
jimgalt - when I used the word mean on Paul's post I was referring to specific insult-filled comments (directed generally at all liberals) that were left on another post of mine. Such dialogue isn't a persuasive argument, it IS simply put - "mean"
Yes, the wheat and the chaff hopefully will eventualy find their repose.
Between that and the outright hostility...hmmm. I guess I don't really understand behavior I can't imagine engaging in, so its hard to understand the perspective of people who think they are "doing good" and "shaking things up" by indulging in towering douchebaggery.
I think some have a hard time knowing the difference between healthy argument and just being a tool. Meanwhile...we have a few, well....a number of folks who can't even manage to have a single account here, let alone a calm, rational mind.
I wish everyone peace. And..well..maturity.
Good communication is hard. It's hard to do when everyone is facing the same direction, and wants the same thing, even, but there are a LOT of different agendas here, and a lot of people who are sure they are right, and a lot of people who feel entitled, determined, and righteous in behaving in ways that are disturbing to others.
I am not sure how to counter that myself...I am a big "avoid and disappear" type, but I think I might miss out on a lot.
Problem is, these shake it up people...who think they are keeping it from being a circle jerk here, are most likely driving off good folk who don't WANT to have a thick skin....who like their skin as is, thank you.
What is it about the human need, in a group anyway..to build up and then immediately start to tear it up from within?
I
It's not a matter of "extermination." No one is literally being killed, and if someone gets kicked off of OS there are only . . . oh, maybe a million other places they can go on the internet -- places where they may actually be happier, places that might be happy to have them.
I agree with it but have to confess that a perfect stranger has upset me with a dirty look!
(My late mother always said I was `too sensitive'.... )
Your post has given me a view that no other has put forward (or that I have seen that is)
Thanks ~ a very valid point!
{rated}
And, btw, my reading is that since Buddhism isn't Jainism, as I tread the Eightfold Path, it's OK to crush a few of the vermin underfoot, to speed them along to their next point in the Karmic cycle.
WOOF
WOOF
ah Freaky, you are in the spirit of things as they always should be.
I think it's even more than teflon skin. It's just ... well you know who cares really? People's neuroses are far more boring than one might hope, I'm sad to say.
Not you Freaky, you command our attention already without contest.
Odette, perhaps we should be drinking something other than water and tea to alleviate our boredom.
I've spent the past two years being cyberbullied stalked and I've learned one thing: reacting to the bait is exactly what bullies and crazies want. If they don't get it, they move on. I have been completely disgusted by the behavior of several people here this week -- old timers and newcomers included. Name calling and threats are always the last resort of people who can't defend their ideas with reason or facts. I've seen plenty of it from both "sides" and frankly, it's time to grow the fuck up.
Best to just talk around the fuss and not to fuss-ers. Baiting and spite is best left to hang out to dry and eventually fade away. As odette said, it's just boring - once you get past the repetitive tactics, there's no substance - just yammering.
I'd much rather debate or discuss something interesting.............
Being the uncouth and beer swilling yobos that we can be at times,we would say"fight on ya bastards,I hate peace".
Enjoy your weekend.
LOL. I smell a conspiracy.
People who abuse and hide behind the First Amendment are the worst abusers of a gift on earth. They are no different than the very politicians and heroes they claim to loathe or love. We have the freedom to speak and the right, but we don't have the right to verbally and mentally abuse people.
No need to worry about me for one. I know what I'm doing. ;-)
Thanks for the powerfully uplifting message.
All the best
Redstocking - I would float the suggestion that anger is never the best frame of mind for clear thinking. Everyone has a RIGHT to get angry, but anger tends to be a rather self destuctive emotion. Yes, it is our natural reaction, and everyone gets angry at one time or another. I get angry. But to respond to baiting is to allow people to hurt us. I think you might enjoy the podcast I've linked above (many on OS already have)- it offers very useful emotional tools.
Serious, physical threats are another matter then bullying and baiting and should always be addressed through legal action.
Peter - hmm I wonder who truly hates peace - if it is their peace that is eliminated
Greg - I wish I had the time to meditate every day. Two little ones (not to mention the ever looming basement) have seriously limited my "me"time. But I get to be Mama and that is grand - so it's a good trade off.
Freaky! Lookit!
link in case it doesn't embed above: http://open.salon.com/content.php?cid=100483
Together, more or less in line, just keep bumpin on....
Those who provoke for sport feed off the fight they create. Why do you want to feed them? If you willingly take their bait and give them the food they want , they will gleefully come back for more and gorge themselves.
Sexist remark? house? I'm afraid you've lost me. Could you explain what you are referring to? And a sin? I was raised in a very Catholic household, but I don't recall that anger was ever declared a sin.
rated
For me, it's a lesson learned through example. You are showing the way. I have my own feelings about the brouhaha, but I wish people could have the sense and grace to leave this blog post alone.
I, for one, want to continue enjoying the peaceful message and calming tone. Thank you, artsfish!
Thank you for this post too. Lovely.