I have been absent as of late. Absent of heart, mind, soul, and physicality. No, wait … I have been here, but not here … there is no there there.
My physical body has been here, my heart has been here, and so has my soul. Oddly, so has my mind. But they haven’t been in the here and NOW. They have been … elsewhere. Where that place is, I can’t tell you. Honestly, I can’t even tell myself where I have been. But I can say that I have enjoyed where they have been … wherever that place may be.
Maybe I’m embracing my inner Nietzsche. (Scratch that. That is where I have been – gazing into my own abyss.)
But never actually in the here and … now.
I went home again …
Home Again - Oingo Boingo
I was feeling lost, so this past weekend I said fuck it, and opted for an impromptu road trip back to my heart home – San Francisco. (Okay, it was really the Bay Area.) And you know what?
It was needed. I didn’t realize how much it was needed until I was up there.
As much as IM and the internet helps in keeping the connection, there really is nothing that can compare to a face to face meeting. (Even if it’s only for 45 minutes.)
Driving from San Francisco up to Santa Rosa, the day was gorgeous and clear. I even saw a wild turkey on the side of the freeway. (By the time I actually realized that, yes, that WAS a wild turkey, 3 miles had passed so I couldn’t stop and take a photo.) However, upon reaching my destination, I forgot about lost opportunities. Instead …
I spent a too brief couple of hours talking with my soul-sister and her husband. (And trying to figure out how to dog-nap the newest addition to their family.)
It was an exhausting day, but well worth it.
After the whirlwind tour of LA to Sunnyvale to San Francisco to Santa Rosa, it was time to head back to the South Bay to celebrate a birthday. There was amazing company, fantastic conversation, and beer.
The drive up was enough to make any sane person turn around and go back home. (What should take just barely over an hour lasted more than three.) The view on the way north was sound-stage perfect – no smog, the perfect shade of blue, with just the right amount of clouds. However, perseverance was the word of the day.
It was worth it. Well worth it.
Coming back, it seemed that LA was using all of its wiles to show me that she was where she thinks I need to be. (No traffic. AT ALL. Except for that one instance, I made record time.) There were more blue skies, fantastic landscapes, and some interesting roadside signs.
The sunset in my rearview mirror was what Hollywood dreams are made of (I would have pulled over to take a picture, but did not want to upset the traffic gods).
But I couldn’t help but think …
(Wish I took this!)
… my heart and soul really do belong in the Bay Area. The path may be foggy, but at least I have my destination chipped out.
“Where’re we going? Home again.” I may have lost my head, and experienced the wrong side of town. Leaving San Francisco was me looking for something that was so hard to describe … but now I know …
I will be home again.
(What has been written above may not seem clear to you, but it is crystal-blue to me. I am finally coming into my own, again, and not only do I like it … I am OKAY with it.)
Welcome home. (Some day.)