For most of my life, tattoos have been in the category of “things other people do.” My parents find them vulgar. Growing up, my main exposure was in the context of shows like “Mannix” in which the Bad Person often sported a lightening bolt or dragon on his malevolent forearm. In mysteries, too, the “distinctive tattoo of a Phoenix” was often the means by which the Bad Person was rooted out, despite having covered the tell-tale ink with clerical garb, or robes of mysterious Eastern cloth. Aside from various and sundry Bad Persons, tattoos were the province of Holocaust survivors, and men who had been in the military as impressionable youths. They were, those images, numbers and anchors, signals of something dark, regrettable, or offensive.
Many years later, I began to notice the presence of lighthearted, “cute” tattoos, particularly on women. My son’s second and third grade teachers both had a tattoo in the vicinity of their respective ankles, and they were both fine teachers, good mothers, and unaffiliated (to my knowledge) with anything particularly sinister or indiscreet. I started looking at tattoos, admiring fine art, asking strangers what the words or symbols meant, and did it hurt to have it done there? I discovered that many people I knew had a tattoo I had never noticed, and that some were signs of misspent and alcohol-enhanced youth, but most had great personal significance. A honeymoon tattoo, a tribute to someone dearly loved and lost, a symbol of deep religious significance.
A shift took place during my Tattoo Studies, and I began to see nothing unusual about people who had covered large parts of their bodies with ink. My husband’s nephew enthralled me at a family picnic describing his plans to have his late father’s face tattooed onto one of his legs. This plan would, at one time, have provoked no response on my part other than a secret conversation with my husband about possible ways to talk the kid out of doing such a thing. I was fascinated. I wanted to know how they would get the picture on his skin, how big it would be, was it a common thing to do, would it hurt, so close to the prominent shin bones of a slender young man. I read “Tricycle” and noticed that many of the Buddhist monks with shaved heads and saffron robes were extensively tattooed.
I wanted one. I thought about placement, size and design. I first considered my wrist where it could easily be hidden by a watch or a sleeve when spending time with my mother. I favored the ubiquitous ankle, but thought that maybe it should then be done only in black to avoid clashing with the colorful skirts and sandals I wear in the summer. I wondered whether anyone else in the world worried about such things. I saw a beautiful, tiny heart on the back of a young woman’s neck, but decided that for my purposes, my tattoo needed to be visible to me. My purposes had evolved, over time, from the “cute-” a whisk, a pencil, two hearts for Rob and Sam – to the more serious. I wanted either a tiny dharma wheel or “om mani padme hum” to remind me to stop and be in the moment, compassionate, and fully alive.
I ran a trial balloon past my mother, thinking that perhaps she had become accustomed to the prevalence of tattoos in polite society. “What if I got a tattoo?” I began, tentatively, “I mean, I’m not saying I’m going to do it…just ‘what if?’”
“You can never be buried in a Jewish cemetary,” she began, “and it looks cheap. Who do you know that would mutilate herself like that?” There were literally a hundred people, but I interpreted the question as rhetorical, and moved on to safer topical ground.
I spent too much time thinking about the tattoo. I didn’t have the cash, and it was such a serious commitment. It is “mutilation,” strictly speaking; it’s the insertion of needles into your flesh, chemicals under your flesh, and it involves the risk of infection, scarring and pain. I have watched too many TLC documentaries not to know that there are many instances of post-tat remorse, and that the cost of removing one’s prison tattoos or the name and picture of an ex is high in both dollars and nerve endings. What if I hated it? What if, following my already flaky spiritual path, I decided that I wanted to practice Judaism and to be buried in a Jewish cemetary? What if it stretched or shrunk into some unrecognizable form as the result of weight gain or loss? What if it really, truly did mean that I was in some way cheap, tacky, and/or nothing more than a Dedicated Follower of Fashion willing to make an irrevocable mistake in order to enjoy three weeks of feeling like one of the cool kids?
I haven’t decided. The cash will be available today; I’ll put it in the bank and think some more. I don’t really need a permanent, inked reminder to be mindful; it actually seems to violate the most basic tenets of Buddhism to require such external motivation. I still fear judgment, categorization and dismissal. I do not fear the pain. I need to sort out the difference between an expression of freedom and some subconscious desire to seem like someone who is free. I should be thinking about a hundred other things, like work, laundry, genocide, planting tomatoes and marriage equality. Instead, I find myself imagining a tiny, black dharma wheel hovering somewhere above my right ankle. A discreet prayer across the top of my left wrist. A message to myself and to the world, about something I have not yet understood, something inchoate, urgent, and suspect. Something I need to hear, whether or not it is ever broadcast on my flesh.
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Comments
I'd been looking for art for a tattoo and told my brother I wanted two small, black ink, not mean- looking foo-dogs/temple lions facing each other on my lower spine (yes, the tramp stamp placement, but lower/smaller): I had a spiritual reason for choosing that spot (and, if it was a mess or I grew tired of it, I wouldn't really have to see the wrinkled evolution.) My brother said, "So you want a tattoo of a couple of dogs guarding your ass?" Still haven't done it.
jews with their forced tattoos should not be banned from burial in a jewish cemetery
i have 5 tattoos. like ink marks made by pen point. they are medical, so the radiologist knew where to hit the mark every time. people say they don't count, since they are not art. but they count to me.
once i designed a logo for my son, thinking he would use it on his blogsite. instead, he has it tattooed on his arm. how cool is that? my art, forever on his arm?
I still probably won't do it.
Great post.
I could be reading about myself.
My mother always said tattoos were for sailors. I never liked the idea on the principle of "mutilation" and have always thought I'd better have a mighty good reason to have one done. (I have a very low pain threshold.) I've caught myself wondering about them now that I am forty.
I learned about something called white ink tattoos. They seem interesting.
My favorite scene from the movie Gladiator, the main character is cutting a tattoo placed on his skin. One of the other prisoners asks him, but won't your gods be angry? He gives a rueful smile and nods yes. That moment always slays me, it speaks volumes, literally and symbolically.
"I need to sort out the difference between an expression of freedom and some subconscious desire to seem like someone who is free." Aaaah.
but people who don't
choose to make a mark
for better or worse
in their permanent record.
Best of luck.
Lezlie
And one of my best friends, when his arthritis grew too bad for him to continue wearing his wedding ring, had a ring tattooed on his finger.
I still like it and its placement helps ensure that it won't get saggy as I age, but it no longer means as much to me as it used to. However, since my mom passed away in December I'm thinking of somehow incorporating her name into it as the phoenix now symbolizes my hopes for her.
So, I guess my point is that a tattoo can evolve if you pick one that's meaningful to you. Oh, and most of them don't hurt that much, so don't worry.
And tattoos are far more ancient than gangsta culture, you know.
i'm not a tattoo person. even though summer finds me henna-ed up on my instep, back or hands.(remnants of my country's culture still sitting with me) but i am def. one for piercings. all in discreet places clothing can hide. don't like the obvious.
Wait a few years, and get a tattoo of the Pulitzer Prize on your ankle when you receive that award.
My input: During my Navy days, I came close several times: a tattoo of a cross or an eagle or the yin/yang symbol. But I suppose the alcohol wore off before I ever took the plunge. A lot of my shipmates got them though. Some I liked, a lot I didn't. Tastefully done, they can be quite sexy, and I don't think of women with tattoos as trashy. I might have years ago, but I can't remember seeing very many on girls years ago either. I dated a woman a few years back who had one of a dragon on her shoulder. I loved it. It completely fit her personality. That said, the Navy Blue Jackets manual has this to say about tattoos, and I always remembered it for some reason: "A tattoo does not prove that a sailor is salty, it merely proves he is not very bright." Of course that was probably the reason most of my shipmates got one. Because they weren't supposed to.
R
PS One thing I have heard and am curious if is true (for anyone in the know): tattoos are addictive. People never want just one. Is this true?
daniel - Yes! I was worried about that, and I checked.
nick - I have.
consonantsandvowels - I like your idea, and your brother is hilarious...but ignore him.
blu - I didn't know that. I am thinking. :)
ladyslipper - could be! I like both ideas, but the cherry blossom sounds so pretty...would she mind if you had one the same as hers? Could you change it enough to be similar but not add a triplet to our party?
lucypuma - well I'd love to know more...the design I like best is colorful, but i worry about that silly clashing thing.
firestorm - I'm sure your wife likes it. I find them very sexy, actually (in moderation). As for a "try-out," I'm leaning towards suggestions to have it done in henna, first.
dianaani - as I told Daniel, there is absolutely an exception for Holocaust survivors. I think your radiation tattoos count, probably more than most. as for your son's tattoo, that is INCREDIBLY cool. I'd love to see it some time, if he was willing.
froggy - that sounds beautiful. I actually admire some that are flocks/sprays/collections of things, but that's more tat than I can have on my own body.
vanessa - she does. :) The description of the Gladiator tattoo made me all tingly. I think i have to see that (for many reasons). I have an extremely high pain threshold, so that's not an issue. I am intrigued by the white tattoo.
designanator - perhaps you could draw some designs...I'd love them.
femme - It's still floating. But the check came today, it's been a rough week, the sun is shining.......
matt - oh Lord that would FREAK my husband out. You'll all know when and if it happens. :)
sheepdog - well it wouldn't show through your fur, anyway.
bonnie - I know, I know, but I'm such an old hippie.
diary - hah! I needed that. :) Yours sound amazing, and the white ink thing might be just the ticket. I'm attracted to the words-on-the-wrist thing because I have a friend who had her brother's name written in beautiful script around her wrist after he died, and it's just such a potent combination of meaningful and lovely.
lezlie - I think it would be amazing to have a tattooed grandmother! I think I'm jealous. Neither my Jewish grandmother nor my no-nonsense New England grandmother would ever have done such a thing.
high lonesome - It sounds awesome. The ring idea is interesting because, while I don't have arthritis, I am allergic to my wedding & engagement rings and am often out and about without them, feeling a little naked.
fay - but you'd know it was there....
not_yet_born - what a great story! I love the idea of the tattoo's evolution, but I think you have to pick carefully (like something other than your current significant other's name) in order to be so flexible.
frank - they are associated with prison culture, but are also a part of many ancient cultures. I might think twice about a potential hire with a prison tear tattooed beneath one eye, or "Love" and "Hate" on his knuckles, but what about someone who had been in thge service and gotten a military-related symbol because he or she was proud to have served our country?
sheila - thanks!
renatta - I'm wondering where I would get a black henna tattoo? Could a tattoo place do that? I do really love henna designs, but all that's pierced are my ears. I do entertain a tiny diamond nostril piercing from time to time. Of course, after this, I'll show you all!
cranky - you are too, too sweet. I think I'd have to do better than (endless) blog entries to get a Pulitzer. As for the tattoo issue, I really do respect the fact that many folks don't like them. Will you still love me with a prayer on my wrist?
lea - I think I'm "trending" towards the try-on. I can't have it on my neck because part of the reason I'm drawn to this is the idea that I'll have a visible reminder.
jonathan - So he's funny and artistic. I think I like him.
cindy - What's a permanent silver bracelet or earring? I've never heard of that. (Maybe I want one of those, too...).
cartouche - that's what I hear. Why do you have to be so damned level-headed?
t. michael - I dream these things up to amuse you because I know you're having a hard time these days. :) My husband thinks they're sexy, too (if he didn't, this might just be a non-issue) and the Navy story is really interesting - I guess i always assumed that the Navy (and other branches of the military) were really gung-ho on tattoos.
wantmymindback - well now I'm all curious!
joan - NO state flag of Michigan. How did you even think of such a thing?! interesting that you and bell both like the same idea; that carries great weight with me.
athomepilgrim - that's my favorite part.
moistowlette - I can't wait to read your thoughts on this. I'm interested in what you're planning for your wrist. Post it SOON, please?
leeandra - that was quite astonishing. Tattoos, love, desire, impermanence...it's bookmarked for many more reads.
gwhizz - so what? Where? I need company in this venture.
geezerchick - you are entirely right. There is no rush, but I've been thinking about this for so long it seems like fish or cut bait time.
donna - that took my breath away. Thank you so much for sharing that story.
lainey - I hear you. It's like smoking (another problem I had, historically) in the sense that people say "why would you ever want to inhale dirty smelly smoke into your lungs?" (I can't really explain that one, either). As for the addictive thing, i see much evidence that it's true, and I admit to the odd indrawn breath when a friend adds the 50th tattoo, particularly when they're on a tight budget. I honestly don't see myself becoming an addict; there are times when I like to be very elegant, and that gets increasingly difficult to carry off if you're pushing 50 and covered with tats.
Tattooed people don't care whether you're tattooed.
http://open.salon.com/blog/hatchetface/2009/04/23/vehicle_of_desire
http://www.whitetigertattoo.com/artists/teejay/teejay.html
{[R]}
I got my first tattoo when I was 28--an ankh on the back of my neck. My eighth tattoo is currently in progress--7 stars (Revelations 1:16). Why do I get them? Maybe I'm addicted...
:-)
joan - I do. :)
late again - amen.
libmomrn - mmmmm. That's just become a spot to avoid!
mamalicious - Thanks. It's funny because it passed my spell checker.
trujo - That's a great story, and a "take" I can understand. If my son were artistic, which he's not, I would love to have something designed by him.
poppi - I am in the "temp" process as we speak. So far, so good....
hatchetface - the poem was amazing. Is White Tiger you?! I've bookmarked it for deep exploration.
scupper - I had no idea so many came so close and...did or didn't go ahead. Did you at least frame the sketch?
larry - my husband was in the Navy, and is a military history buff; I'm sure he would LOVE that. ;-)
AustinCynic - Ha! I'd love to know the story behind that choice.
spotted_mind - it's so good to have you back. I was hoping you'd see this, because I know you to be a Mad Tatter. I am so interested in why you chose that passage...and what the stars will look like. I plan to scour your posts for clues and then torment you mercilessly until I get answers.
rjheart - I JUST saw a mom selling tickets at a high school musical wearing our "uniform" of khakis and a crisp white shirt...with a huge tat on her right forearm. I also saw people looking at it, totally surprised. I think I'm secretly with you on the "shock and awe;" I just have to be sure I have meaning, too.
I loved this! I had a tattoo at one time - when I had a surgery the surgeon offered to remove it at the same time. I was grateful - I was fifteen when I got mine and it was of the 'regret' variety.
I would love to know how it turns out for you.
can I see that tattoo on your boob? What an awful bruise you have there on your leg...no wait that's a dead unicorn. The ubiquitous "tramp stamp" across the hips (evidently for the viewing pleasure of your doggy style lover) will become distorted as your bottom expands.
Ink is no longer a form of unique expression. Like piercing and other trendy forms of mutilation for beautification (ugly head shaving included) it will run it's course as the negatives become more obvious. Hepatitis is also a risk.
I'm sure you'll use your impressive mind skills to make the right decision for you, Ann. Listen to your own inner voice--she's not usually wrong about the important stuff! Rated. D