There are many things about being a Buddhist that come easily to me, that fit well with what I already believed, and make a crystalline kind of sense. I find great value in meditation, in compassion, and in living in the present moment rather than dwelling in the past or fretting… Read full post »

I am dreading Mother’s Day. I cannot look at the two little garden plots in front of my house, for which my mother took me every year to get bedding plants as a Mother’s Day gift. I feel, just now, a longing for my mother that is every naked, raw and… Read full post »

I just had a conversation in which I actually said “I often imagine myself as a cadaver.” But I can explain.

We were discussing the fact that I was going to get a tattoo on my birthday, which is in a couple of weeks. I’ve wanted one for years, and… Read full post »

Today is March Fourth, which some clever souls have turned into March Forth, as in “change something/do something/forge ahead!” Instead of forging forth on the Fourth, I am using the day as an occasion to break my decade-long relationship with the tyranny of the timer. It’s sort of… Read full post »

 Note: Below the line is the original post of 2/27/13. I am grateful for the comments on Open Salon and Facebook, grateful that folks took the time to read attentively, and that they were supportive of me at a tough time. As I read those comments, however, it became clear to… Read full post »

I have had health insurance most of my life, I was always grateful, despite the sometimes terrifying premiums; it made me feel safe. When I was pregnant and on hospital bed rest for seven weeks, I paid only $1,000.00 out of pocket towards a bill in excess of $60,000.00.… Read full post »

I am at the only real book store left in this town.  It’s a place I have been thousands of times, because I feel that I can keep it alive through sheer force of will. I have a Kindle, I’ll cop to that, but I try to buy as much as… Read full post »

It has come to my attention, with the force of a massive asteroid hurtling through space to crash into my soul, that I need to take better care of myself. I have become, in recent months, a sullen, twisted hard little kernel of a person. A sulker, a ruminator, able to… Read full post »

But give away love (give it)
And give it for free
No strings attached
Just don't ask for it back

-Gotye, “Learnalilgivinanlovin”

As I stood on an icy step ladder trying to throw bird seed onto a shelf just above my head, a voice said this:… Read full post »

It was gray today, unseasonably warm, the world around me a stark palette of snowy white and the near blackness of rain-soaked, leafless trees. I always loved the idea of “the pathetic fallacy” in my life as an English major; it seemed right and just that nature shoul… Read full post »

I am a person who remembers absolutely everything. I remember being sick when I was two years old and believed (one, hopes, due to fever and not psychopathology) that tiny men were marching out of my laundry hamper. I remember the first day of kindergarten, the exact words in the note… Read full post »

I will not make friends with this post. I may lose some. I can live with that.

I am a Democrat. My parents were Democrats, and I was raised in an environment that favored unions, government’s duty to give a hand up to those who are struggling, and the necessity… Read full post »

I’m guessing that things were pretty tense at Zachary Tannen’s house during the high holy days this year. I feel sorry for him, but I’m kind of trying not to.

Tennen brought national attention to East Lansing, Michigan in late August of this year by alleging that he was attacked… Read full post »

In sixth grade, my bright, beautiful kid became a “problem” in school, and conferences went from unmitigated pleasure to embarrassing episodes in which we were told that he lost his papers, couldn’t pay attention, and had to be moved all over the room to avoid contact with any of hi… Read full post »

First, let me acknowledge that this post is totally inspired by a piece on Huffington Post by Jane Devin, author of the memoir Elephant Girl: A Human Story. She makes the case that it is unhealthy and unhelpful to insist that girls and women are (physically) “beautiful” regardless of… Read full post »

As a child, long before I turned my attention to tragic heroines and their male counterparts, I was drawn to mortal injury and related suffering. There is no explanation for the deep and satisfying emotions I got from the pictures I hunted in my father’s Professorial Library; I suspect it is… Read full post »

A literary agent once told me that, although my pieces about my life were well-written and interesting, she could never sell a memoir because I “had no hook.” Again and again she asked me about my life. I answered honestly, and in her e-mails I could see the regretful shake of… Read full post »

So I’m watching “Criminal Minds,” which I love because of the profiling part – I would love to have a job in which I had access to everyone’s most intimate, personal business. It wouldn’t have to be killers; I would be perfectly happy plumbing the depths of gardene… Read full post »

So I’ve been coloring my hair forever. When I was in college and it was naturally thick and auburn and pretty, I used to dye it blonde. Well, I used to try to dye it blonde in the dorm bathroom, but because it was darkish and reddish and I was incompetent,… Read full post »

I am fairly catholic in my choice of reading material; in a pinch I will read whatever is lying around. At summer houses, and in insomniac wanderings in my own house I have read everything from Zane Grey to Boethius, and I actually like things like YA series fiction and “cozy”… Read full post »

There is no room in this politically polarized world for middle ground, even at the local, grassroots level.

Five years ago I got involved in protesting development near my house. I’m not anti-development, but this was an objectively and inherently bad plan, complete with shaky financing and… Read full post »

I’m pretty ambivalent about the Olympics. I watched the opening ceremonies so that I could hear the announcer say “ceremony” the British way, and because I love a good national spectacle. I was thrilled to hear Branagh recite Shakespeare, I am always teary when I hear the opening st… Read full post »

This is the hardest post I’ve ever had to write, about my deepest source of shame and guilt. A quarter of a century ago I borrowed an astronomical amount of money to go to law school, and I will quite probably die owing enough money to buy a small island.… Read full post »

From the time I was in nursery school until I graduated from high school, I never spent a summer in my home state of Michigan. Most summers we went to Maine, but for three summers, we headed not to the rocky, Atlantic coast, but across that ocean to Europe. The middle… Read full post »

When I first received invitations to join something called “Klout,” I dismissed them. They appeared on my Facebook page, and I imagined that they referred to either another tedious and loathsome game or to some kind of shopping thing that would seduce me into hours spent looking at trendy… Read full post »