Mother’s Day has been a day of dread for me since the loss of my mother in January 1999. On top of that, since I have (as of yet), been unlucky in my effort to attempt to have a child of my own…I do not fit either side of the MOM equation. So every year, when this date rolls around, part of me wants to just shut down, shut up and shut myself away. So, I do what I’ve always done. I distract myself.
I helped out at the Revolution 3 Triathlon today handing out cups of water, cups of energy drink, packets of GU (energy gel), and grapes. As each runner came by, I felt energized by what they are able to do and carry out. I could and probably would never compete in a triathlon mostly because I don’t think I can swim in any water that isn’t a pool; but I am amazed at the men and women who can and do. They are mostly in top physical condition and have turned out to be very nice and appreciative of the people helping, volunteering and cheering them on. I even made sure to let my other volunteers that I was working with from the dance studio know that if they saw a woman with a pink wrist band on, that they should wish her a happy mother’s day. Apparently, in honor of the mothers, they were making sure to recognize them as they ran, swam and biked their way to victory. For the first time in a long time, I wished other people a happy mother’s day. It’s hard and bittersweet, but it felt right today. Still, I fight that feeling of sadness. Quite frankly, I’ve come to hate it at times.
In the meantime, I will wish you what I’ve wished everyone on my Facebook page:
“Happy Mother’s Day to my friends & family who are mothers, all who HOPE to be mothers, and most of all to the one who gave me life. Shirley, I try every day to be a reflection of the good in you: some days I do it with style, other days I suck. I love you every day even if I can’t tell you directly or hear it in return.”
Cherish what you do have…in the meantime, I’m off to distract. I’m not doing sadness today. So been there. Thanks anyway.