Algis Kemezys

Algis Kemezys
Ste Adele, Québec, Canada
June 28
Internationally exhibited Photographer/Documentary filmmaker, Sculptor, Dowser, Scrabble enthusiast, Geomancer, Iatromant, gourmet chef


MARCH 4, 2012 3:47AM

I only have eyes for PARAPROSDOKIANS !

Rate: 32 Flag

photograph by byron ayanoglu ,


PARAPROSDOKIANS: "Figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected;
Frequently used in a humorous situation." "Where there's a will, I want to be in it," is a type of paraprosdokian.  Here are more paraprosdokians - enjoy!
1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit.. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
10. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.
12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, 'In case of emergency, notify: 'I put 'DOCTOR.'
13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
17. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
18. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
19. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
20. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
21. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
22. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
23. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
24. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
25. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
26. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
27. A diplomat is someone who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you look forward to the trip.
28. Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even when you wish they were.
29. I always take life with a grain of salt. Plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.
30. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water. Words of Wisdom: "The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."

    A friend of mine called Anonymouse emailed me this and I just loved it. Anonymouse being an avid punster/wordsmith might have compiled it himself or it may have come from someplace else via the web. I dared not ask. So here it is for your enjoyment.

NOTE: If you have any other captions for the above photograph please do share them here. Remembering that it is a photograph  of me @ the local fish market. Cheers and I hope you had some good Chuckles!


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I only have eyes for you but some say my intentions are fishy!
Gee Algis, I was expecting to read about a lost tribe of Greeks!

I laughed out loud. Number 20 is a gem.
V.Corso.....Yeah that one is great and I have seen it before and used it once here. Thanks!
Youse gots pretty eyes!!! :D

Thank you for 31 (counting the visual) early morning chuckles to guffaws. Lovely way to start the day!!
Much wisdom and laffs. Your photo was the perfect jump start.
3, 12, 13, 14!!

Hey, I feel like your eyes are following me around the room...
Love #5! Isn't that so true? Love the fish market pic :)
This just killed me! No, really: I'm dead and typing from the great beyond. At least, that's what it feels like after reading that! I had heard many of those before, but as a collection - well, beats the hell out of Hummel figurines! Speaking of Hummel figurines, I think you should have a sculpture done of that photo of you with fish eyes. It could be a big seller like Chia pets at Christmas. Go for it! Go fish!
Thanks for this delightful post. I just loved it, truly. And, I wish I had taken that photograph of you. And, I think I'd like going to the fish market with you, too. Oh, here's a caption "Don't be KOI, tell me you love me!"
Okay, lame. It's early. Rated with an RRR
By the way, while we are discussing alternative titles, if this were my blog and I had that banner (which is lovely), it would have me flat on my face on the beach and it would say "My Trip Started With My First Misstep"
Just a thought.
Caption: Although he was a great photographer, Algis never did grasp the meaning of a fisheye lens. R
Algis, thanks for the good laugh this morning!

As a caption I have this:

"The mere mention of Algis being in a love triangle sounds fishy to me. They have only eyes for him."
Paraprosdokian, You taught me a new word Algis.
Great list, I add "If someone tells you that we must learn from history or we're doomed to repeat it, remember; history is written by the winners."
Great list,
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be especially when people have fish on their eyes hahah
Here's my contribution: "After repeatedly being sodomized in prison I was paroled. Now I'm celibate. I don't do the bar scene anymore."...wink
God bless you! I am framing this! Too, too good! I'm still smiling, thank you very much!
I should let Facebook take a look, too....
Is that you in the photo or you the one that took the picture? Am confused once more, you a man or woman, Algis? Anyways, I enjoyed learning abt paraprosdokians and spent the night looking for more on the net - thanks for this, love the picture :)
Algis, you are too funny! And unpredictable.
Thanks for this delightful post.
OK, these beat my puns- you are definitely invited to the Chautauqua ( You are also invited to bring your art)
PS- two wrongs don't make a (steven) Wright, but 3 lefts do
Oh my! you're being attacked by two fish!!
Wonderful post to lift everyone's spirits Algis...Thank You!
That looks like a George Carlin routine. He could do magical things with words and phrases. What is the name of the fish in front of that guy?
Brilliant. J'aime les poissons.
Loved every single one of these! Especially #20. So true!
Tinkerertink69, Those eyes have made my day today ThanksT69!

AtHomePilgrim Yes one day a week is good to get some good chuckles in isn't it? Thanks AHP

Chicken Mãâàn Thanks so much CM! Yes indeedy!

Firechick Thats because when you get the eyes right like in a 16century panting the eyes were suppose to do that. I am so glad that works and you pointed it out. Thanks FC!

Razzle Dazzle, My fave too. Thanks again RD!

Robin Robinson Wow great concept there RR! Will think about it.Thanks again!

Robin Robinson, OK that is a good start. Thanks RR!

Trudge164, Oh that is so clever and cool,Thanks T64!

Designanator, I like that and hope it happens….not! Just joking Thanks D!
Jack Heart, OMG I am so impressed then to have done that! Thanks for the note JH!

Jmac1949m, Thanks so much and thats a good one J!

Linda Seccaspina I suppose it is not. Maybe you will remember me for ever now! Thanks so much LS!

Brie aka Barbara K, Thanks so much for dropping by B&B

Jejune Podiatrist, Wow that one really is getting to the point.

ASH ...OMG your a darling for saying that.Thanks Big time A!

Rolling, Anything for you Rolling! Thanks again!

FusunA, So glad you enjoyed that and came by to read them . Thanks F!

Tokenm, That sounds excellent. I love the Zen of motorcycle maintenance and some of my earlier work was based on that. Thanks again T!

Token, I guess not.Hee hee hee! Thanks!

Gary Justis, Yes I try to keep everyones spirits up when ùi can. Thanks again GJ!

Scanner, OMG George carlin is the best and I love him so much. May he RIP and thanks for bring the great one into this Scanner Man!

Trilogy, OH thanks so much T!

Mary Stanik,Oh really great of you to say that. Thanks again MS!

Cathy GF Yes 20 rules and I have used that one myself months ago or was it a year or two ago. Thanks again Cathy and Cheers to all .

Thanks everyone for dropping by. It is really hard finding computer time between so many things here but I will be checking out your posts as much as I can ! PM me if I miss anything and I do miss a lot of posts!
☼(ˆ◡ˆ) ⋱ ⋮ ⋰
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☼(ˆ◡ˆ) ⋰ ⋮ ⋱(¯`•´¯)¸.(¯`•´¯).¸.(¯`•´¯)¸.Have a memorable Week now! ☼
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Algis I read this yesterday and couldn't stop laughing. This was so hilarious that I shared it with some friends and they loved it too! Thanks for posting this :D
Great!!! Loved the picture!!!.
My favorite is Grouch Marx's, "Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read."
These are great! I've read some of them before and I absolutely love them. Whoever doesn't find these funny has no soul.
Great Photo, that made my day.

I love your visual stuff.
I'm usually not much of a fan of these "comic" lists but this one had several gems. Funny, clever and insightful.
Hayley Rose, Oh that makes me so pleased. Thanks so much for that HR!

SheilaTGTG55, I only have eyes for you! Thanks S!

Rodney Roe,Thats such a wonderful one . Thanks so much RR!

Addicted to the Voices, I think your so right. Thanks BIGTIME ATV!

another steve s Cool! Thanks again AS!

Abrawang, Truly! I too have seen many of them over time but a good list of them rocks. Thanks A!
Good morning! That picture looks a little fishy, but you have a nice smile.

Have a wonderful day!
I learned a new word and laughed two great things in life!
Loved these. Must read them again when I can take the time to thoroughly enjoy each one. Number one really put certain events of today in perspective and I was finally able to smile about it.
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some really good ideas!

You are so clever! And you have the life I used to have. I'm trying to find a way to get it back, instead of living the memories through you. When I figure it out, maybe I'll see you there! ♥⋯ ❤ ⋯ ★
The fish eye photo is so adorable. I love the paraprosdokians they are brilliant. I am posting this on my FB.
rated with love
phyllis45's Bright Eyes Hee hee hee...Thanks so much P!

Anne Cameron Cutri, So glad you dropped by and enjoyed. Thanks again ACC!

Chrissie Pissie, OK your good. and thanks so much CP!

SpiritManSF Well anytime you need any assistance I am here for you.Thanks SM!

RomanticPoetess, Oh you are so good. Thanks big time RP!
Theres a word for everything nowadays. Did you know that hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia is the fear of long words.