alexis james's Blog

learning to sing

alexis james

alexis james
Location
Narragansett, Rhode Island,
Birthday
December 31
Title
I want to be a writer someday.
Bio
31, I love pitbulls and kittens. Rats are another favorite. Bukowski and Baldwin...good or bad, i love people's teeth. Always loved taxidermy, long as they weren't hunted. I want a thousand books, a house in Istanbul and half a dozen stuffed cats (once they finally leave). Tattooed nearly ten years, and now, maybe, I don't like it... Trying to get the crazies out of my head. I feel somewhere in between a wreckless hobo and a vunerable little girl...and I want to be a writer someday.

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Salon.com
OCTOBER 22, 2011 6:25AM

How wreckless

Rate: 16 Flag

how wreckless

how cruel

how incoherant 

how awful.

it always ends up the same

yet another cowardly

and smart man

running for his life.

i look like shit.

i am quiet, for once.

Now what to say?

He very blatantly admits

to feeling no more.

His honesty is believable

and disheartening.

I crumble.

I should have come to expect this by now...

I drive each and every one of them away!

That fucking  mouth of mine

is no good.

 

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I consulted ANNE SEXTON regarding your situation.



I am stuffing your mouth with your
promises and watching
you vomit them out upon my face.
"Killing the Love"



Love your self's self where it lives.


Dearest,
although everything has happened,
nothing has happened.



Love! That red disease —



As for me, I am a watercolor.
I wash off.


I am, each day,
typing out the God
my typewriter believes in.
Very quick. Very intense,
like a wolf at a live heart.
………………..

You shouldn’t have to give up your mouth
For a fella to love you.
That is simply unfair.
Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind! ~ Dr Seuss
~R~
cowardly smart men are a lure.
in the search for a safe haven for yer soul.
u drive em away because
they have offered all they can to you,
and
it
simply
isnt enough.


no need to be ashamed of that.
I couldn't begin to count the men who have left me for "my own good". Take comfort in your strength and knowing that you're not alone. Men leave for many reasons and very few of those reasons are the woman's fault. They just blame her because that's what they do. It couldn't possibly be THEIR issue.

People always say to me, hang in there, the right guy will come along. I won't say that to you because I'm not sure I believe it anymore. I will say be good to yourself and do not quit enjoying life. There is a lot of good out there.
It depends upon what that mouth of yours has been saying. I have a feeling it has been speaking the truth, and the men involved are not secure enough to hang in there. Your mouth is only saying what your brain is thinking, so how can it be wrong? Relax and know the right man simply has not found you yet. And someday -- I know this from sooooo much experience -- you will thank them all for leaving before it was too late for you to get away.

Lezlie
Hm, mz alex. Two differing opinions on this elusive creature of myth,
The right man.
Right men or women are conjured. From the mind that desires them. This mind suffers tremendous abuse morphing unwilling victims into this role. Still, it wakes up next morning all ready for some loving.
And seeks and wanders to find it.
Words from the unworthy should find no perch in your heart or soul. Any man who in cowardice and weakness lets you slip away should be driven out of your life...preferably with a sharp stick.
Rated.
yes scylla, well put in your drama queen way.

love that find no perch shit. gonna steal it.

hey alex. scylla been baring his heart lately. go see him.
By the by the new picture is wonderful.
I suffer with the same feelings about "my mouth." It doesn't help that it tends to run quickly. My new mantra is "confidence." Sometimes, it even works.

Take care. Writing is all about finding your voice and relationships seem to be about finding someone who can hear it.
i agree w/scylla. deja vu, in a nice way, that picture .

rei is right:confidence. and finding voice.
fuck men. who needs em?
Writing is all about finding your voice
Dear Alexis James;

outside self is where it is at;

go occupy
As one who has driven women away with my mouth and soon regretted it, I've learned to bite my tongue. Not especially satisfying at the moment but better for the long haul.
Relationships take some work,...and perhaps.....some discresion of what we say and when?
Easy to say....not always easy to do.
you have brought seriously unstable men here,
ume and matt.
they may need tending, if u make comments///////////////?
poor fellas, needful of gals.
their warmth and wisdom & whatnot.
James reminds me it takes a long time for a bit tongue to heal. Better to heel it than bite (groan).
fuck discretion, all due respect to jd.
a loved one gotta be able to take the worst hit.

by the way, alex,
you misspelleled reckless.
tis wreckless in yr post.

wait! COULD BE YR SUBCONSCIOUS SPEAKING & MISSPELLING!
maybe you aint a wreck. maybe u= wreck-less.

who the fuck knows.
only karma.
Truth is never met with acceptance, doesn't mean it should not be told.
As I have said, I like your bare bones, blunt bare light bulb poems.
matt reminds me of when i had a bloody stump of a tongue.
i bit it always. it was a travesty of my biology
and a disaster of my
self confidence.

yet i learned to...not bite...but sorta...love bite my tongue.
like; SHUSH. WE CAN TALK TOGETHER LATER,
U & me, tongue.

hence my insomnia, arg.
hah! tho u & i head to head in ratings, i above you.
as of now. as i lay me head down to sleep, pray the lord
my soul to keep. etc.


you won tho with killer last lines:
"That fucking mouth of mine

is no good."

as tho u dissassociated from it! calling it "that mouth"!

my theory= u are actually sweet .
that mouth is defense.


what is to defend tho, gal?
all you got is your you, in process of becoming.
no defense needed for a woman who is busy being born,
not busy dying.

you ought to be on a poster or something.

MARCH, GALS! REGAIN YER FUCKIN FEMININITY!

HA
love will lobotomize
speak your mind before it does
What Rita and james have said. A man who doesn't care? You're better off without him, girlfriend.
No one owns you; you can do whatever you want. Nice piece. R
Form these words with that mouth "I am enough. It will all be fine."
I know of mayhap one or two men who can meet me at the point of argument during an intellectual conversation where they learn to overlook things I would love to say to add to the fire and now know I cannot. Then if it could all be put together to end in a lovely blaze of sexual interaction developed, of course, all out of the intellectual argument for the two of us.

I think you have just not met the right person yet.
I'm not sure if it is good or bad or indifferent that I have known the majority of these hummingbirds who think they're men. They come to feed on your nectar, and quickly disappear when the rations run low, or you request ANYTHING for you.

I've known these woodpeckers who think they're men. They come tapping, leaving their splinters embedded in those tender places, and quickly disappear when you've outgrown their welcome by the honesty you spew as a poison to which they've no antedote. They cannot take the cold, but expect that you can.

We welcome the majority, and yet they disengage from the reality of love and life.
Fuck 'em!
R
I'm not sure if it is good or bad or indifferent that I have known the majority of these hummingbirds who think they're men. They come to feed on your nectar, and quickly disappear when the rations run low, or you request ANYTHING for you.

I've known these woodpeckers who think they're men. They come tapping, leaving their splinters embedded in those tender places, and quickly disappear when you've outgrown their welcome by the honesty you spew as a poison to which they've no antedote. They cannot take the cold, but expect that you can.

We welcome the majority, and yet they disengage from the reality of love and life.
Fuck 'em!
R
When she's in the wrong mood, my wife has been known to unload like an Uzi and she's deadly accurate with her choice of language, but over the years I've become so scarred as to be nearly bulletproof. Her mind, however damaged by her co-dependent/ alcoholic psychological wounds, is only one of the reasons I love her and have returned after twenty years. Still I have to remember not to say the wrong thing at the wrong time, for it still hurts when she goes off. Terrifying to those who've never experienced it. R&R
hm. reminds me of eleanor my mom.
terrifying indeed.
~
ah old george was disturbed but not dealt to ruin by her mouth.
mom
would say to stuff like
"I should have come to expect this by now...

I drive each and every one of them away!

That fucking mouth of mine

is no good."
~
now i think of it, alex, you and eleanor ..yikes...have alot in common.

it would be a hard thing for a man to experience the both
of u,
at once.

thank god, as i say of mom.,
she is safely in the dirt.