ASH

the grasshopper in winter

ASH ...

ASH ...
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JUNE 13, 2012 5:29PM

The OS Fiction Weekend Club 6/15-17/12 ~ DADDY'S DOLL HOUSE

Rate: 10 Flag

  daddy's dollhouse 6

 

DADDY’S DOLL HOUSE

 

        I am Melissa.  I am this many years old.  Today is Daddy’s Day.  I made my Daddy this doll house just for him.  My Daddy is sad.  My Mommy is at the hopstable.  Daddy says that Mommy is talking with the Angels.  Daddy says Mommy might go to live with them.

        I don’t want Mommy to go live with the Angels.  I asked Daddy if the Angels can live with us.  My Daddy cried.  He said an Angel already lives with us and he kissed me.  But I made Daddy’s Doll House so the Angels can live in it.  Then they can talk to Mommy every day.

        My Mommy and my Daddy used to play with my doll house on my bed with me.  Now just my Daddy plays with me.  But he doesn’t play very long.  My Daddy gets tired and he sleeps on the floor right there by my bed.  When it is dark I hear my Daddy whisper to the Angels.  He says, “Please.  Please.”

        I don’t hear the Angels.

        See Daddy’s Doll House?  This is the Mommy and she is up in the room where we can’t go and she can talk to the Angels.

        This is the Daddy and he is in the kitchen.

        This is me.  This Daddy is making me cereal.  He is talking on his phone.

        The Grandma wants to come.  This Grandma is the Mommy’s mommy.

        The Daddy says he won’t go to work until the Mommy is finished talking to the Angels.  Then the Grandpa says he is coming too.

        The Grandma wants to talk to me.  She just says, Melissa, Melissa.  So I just say, “I am making a house for the Angels so Mommy can stay here.”  But she is crying and she just says, Melissa, Melissa.

        This Daddy is so sad.  He misses the Mommy.  He is down on the floor and he is looking.  And now he says, Where is God?  He can’t find the God.  Get up, sad Daddy.  This Grandma tells him, God is not in the dust.

        Do you want to play, too?  You can be the God, OK?  You can say, I am right here, sad Daddy, OK?

        “Uh-oh.”

        My Daddy is shouting.  He is talking on his phone.

        Grandma is shouting.  Grandpa is shouting.

        My Daddy is leaving!

        “Wait, Daddy, wait!”

        My Grandma is calling me to come, hurry.  I need to go, now.  ‘Bye, Jesus.

 

 

 

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family, fiction, open+call, father's day

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ASH, you are a chameleon and a changeling and a sorcerer of words.

I like the way you, as a writer, take on the persona of a little girl. If there were a Strasberg school of writing you'd be one of its graduates.

R
V.Corso
June 14, 2012 05:30 AM
You really amped up the poignancy by telling the tale through the voice of the child. Projecting the human tragedy through the world of the doll house was a great stroke. Very touching. R
Gerald Andersen
June 14, 2012 08:48 AM
Growing up at an early age! Brilliantly told tale from the little girls point of view. Very convincing voice. Another ASH, one of a kind.
R
Out on a limb
June 15, 2012 09:54 AM
Effective use of point of view to tell the drama of the mother endured by the father. Nice twist on the prompt.
workstudio
June 15, 2012 11:35 AM
When this started, I wanted to stop reading because I thought it would be really sad. But instead of just really sad, you gave us really insightful. Masterful storytelling.
nilesite
June 16, 2012 09:46 AM
I think God just might be in the DUST. We forget how much children see and know and feel. Great Story Ash. Thanks.
zanelle
June 16, 2012 11:03 PM
Right between the eyes. Sad and sweet and full of pain. You told it well, though, that simplicity of a child's understanding illuminating the difficulties of adult life. Well done.
Seth James
June 18, 2012 09:12 AM
So very true a story for so many children in this world. How does the child recover from such loss. My mother lost her mother at twelve. I see difference in her I cannot explain.

Good fiction ASH that is frightening in its delivery from that level of a child.
Blinddream
June 18, 2012 04:04 PM
I've said before how impressed I am by the way you can capture different narrative voices so well. This example only adds to my admiration. I also like that there's the tension of what's going on among the adults at the end. We are truly being told only what Melissa knows. Great job and very moving.
Alysa Salzberg
June 20, 2012 08:59 AM
OK your mother sent me over to cheer up your daddy melissa.

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Algis Kemezys
June 26, 2012 10:00 AM