I've never had a midlife crisis, and I know I'm a dramatic teen as well as a pessimist but I think I've reached a midlife crisis. When I was trying to figure out all my plans before, I thought that was a mess. Obviously I was wrong and had I known what was coming, I wouldn't have even bothered because every plan I had is down the shitter.

Where to start this explanation...?

Well, my family is fucked up. I've known that since I was about 6 or 7 and was confirmed on that when my parents got divorced (when I was probably 8). When I first met my step mom, I didn't like her. I don't even know how old I was - obviously a bad time. I liked my step dad, though, when I first met him.

Now my step mom is kicking my dad out, thus I have to pack up all my stuff this weekend and get it moved out asap... into my mother's.

We all know how I feel about my mother. She's a nice person and means well but she bitches a lot and doesn't do anything about it. Empty threats. Plus she babies me way too much and I cannot stand it! The other day we were talking because I'm staying at my dad's this weekend and she and my step dad are going up north by her brother and sister-in-law. She said that if I ended up back at her house, I'd be alone for three-four days. It wouldn't bother me, but she said "Well, you still shouldn't..." ...stay home alone. Because I live in a village of hardly 700 people, I'm 18, know half the town (exaggerating, but I know enough people) and the registered sex offenders know me and know I'll be home alone ... and I don't plan on ever moving out on my own because I can't take care of myself. Trust me, with what my friends learn and tell me, I think I could handle an armed robber if I had to. (Hopefully I'll never have to because I'll freeze and freak out, but that's not the point.)

However, last night when my sister was telling me about how step mommy is kicking out daddy and blah blah blah, she said that mom said that my step dad wanted to move back to the town he was raised in, near his family. She apparently said that we can't because of me. WHAT THE HELL?! I'm all FOR moving out of this shit box you call a duplex in this town where everyone is a Christian and a drunk. She even knows I'd rather move out of state! If we moved there, anyway, his drinking would only get worse and she'd bitch more. I know she doesn't want to move because we'd be farther from her mom, who she'll end up living with anyway eventually.

Honestly, if I could get my mom away from my step dad and her dead end library job, I could tolerate her and live with her.

So obviously I'm not going to college right away. I don't even want to do online college right now. I want to get a job, save as much money as I can, move the fuck out of this state ASAP and be far, far away from all these bad memories! Hence why I told my sister, seriously, to ask her boyfriend if I can live with them. She already said she's fine with it so long as I get a job (which, duh) ... and hence why I don't currently have a job because I don't know where I'll be and there's no point in trying to get a job for only a month ...

But, now my dad won't have to worry about breaking the news to step mommy that he's moving to GA. He can just leave. And I don't think I can live with him after ... um, word of mouth that I know is true from prior first hand knowledge. I'd like to, but I can't. I only get along with my sister these days. (Well, and my friends, but one is still in HS, one I can only tolerate so long, one is staying around here until he can move to Missouri and the rest are going off to college, so finding a place with them is kinda out of the question.)

Shit happens, but I'll figure something out. All I know is that I refuse to stay here longer than absolutely necessary. Or I may either A) kill myself or B) turn clinically insane and go on a murder rampage.