accidental dad

accidental dad
Point Pleasant Beach, New Jersey,
April 13
Author of Diary of an Accidental Dad "Diary of an Accidental Dad is Erma Bombeck if she liked a good spanking and drank a bit too much. These stories hit so close to home that they have to be true, but they are written in a witty, articulate, self-deprecating style that will make milk squirt from your nose~even if you don’t drink milk. Dad's struggles to find a place in childhood society for a hyper-kinetic but brilliant son are both hysterical and endearing. The fine line between being over-indulgent, protective, free-wheeling, and disciplinarian are crossed, stomped on and drawn again over and over, with the inner dialogue all parents have with themselves~please don't let me screw up my kids."


MAY 27, 2012 9:48AM

The Icing On The Cake

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Last week I heard the familiar sound of my son climbing up on the counter and opening up the cabinets where we keep snacks. Now we’re pretty good about eating healthy organic snacks but we always have a tiny reserve of some treats that are a little less healthy than the rest. Those we keep on the top shelf. 

My son learned from a very early age the art of climbing because in his case it paid off in such obvious rewards. Normally I’ll hear my son rustling around and tearing into a bag of pretzels or a box of granola bars, but on this particular occasion, after he climbed up on the counter and swung open the cabinet doors, all I heard was silence. I knew trouble wouldn’t be far behind. 

I snuck into the kitchen and poked my head around the corner and was mortified by the horror that I saw. My son had huge tubes of icing in each hand and he was squeezing the shit inside, double-fisted into his mouth. The sugary rainbow colored slime overflowed from his mouth and dripped onto his shirt. After he managed to swallow every last bit that coated his teeth, tongue and lips, and not wanting to waste a single drop, he pushed a section of his shirt collar into his mouth.

I couldn’t even yell at him or try and make him stop. He was a car wreck that I couldn’t prevent from happening, and one I couldn’t turn away from and stop myself from looking at.

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