- Point Pleasant Beach, New Jersey,
- April 13
- Author of Diary of an Accidental Dad
"Diary of an Accidental Dad is Erma Bombeck if she liked a good spanking and drank a bit too much. These stories hit so close to home that they have to be true, but they are written in a witty, articulate, self-deprecating style that will make milk squirt from your nose~even if you don’t drink milk. Dad's struggles to find a place in childhood society for a hyper-kinetic but brilliant son are both hysterical and endearing. The fine line between being over-indulgent, protective, free-wheeling, and disciplinarian are crossed, stomped on and drawn again over and over, with the inner dialogue all parents have with themselves~please don't let me screw up my kids."
MY RECENT POSTS
- My Son Lost His Kitten Today
July 04, 2012 02:10PM
- My Wife's Veggie Breaded
June 28, 2012 10:18AM
- Riding His Bike To The Beach
Dressed Like an Ewok
June 25, 2012 08:00AM
- A Box of Tampons
June 23, 2012 12:13AM
- Squeezing My Son With Love
June 22, 2012 05:01PM
MY RECENT COMMENTS
- “Its delicious!”
July 03, 2012 09:11AM
- “brilliantly put Poor
Woman...I may have to borrow
June 16, 2012 12:03AM
- “Yes! Fear the all mighty
kitty! That cuteness thing is
don't eat our
June 15, 2012 04:19PM
June 15, 2012 07:45AM
- “Ahhh..a man eating cat!
Bring it on!”
June 15, 2012 12:05AM
Accidental dad's Links
- MY LINKS
My son has recently discovered that broccoli and cauliflower cause massive amonts of gas which turns out be great for rapid fire farting.
My wife uses ground up broccoli and cauliflower to bread her chicken breast in order to trick my son into eating more veggies. For a good while… Read full post »
My son and I have this secret language we use to speak to each other. He'll squeeze my hand three times and I'll squeeze his hand four times in response. This is our way of communicating when we don't feel like talking. Its the only thing he hears when he's… Read full post »
"Stay Calm" I tell myself as the levels of frustration rise above
the levees and threaten to burst through the dam. "Stay Calm I
write on my hand to remind myself not to fight against the current
and just go with the flow.
But there are days when the levels of/… Read full post »
When I got home last night my daughter was sitting on her princess potty toilet training bowl covered in sweat. My wife was holding her up and cradling her head. She leaned forward just enough where I could see a gigantic log of shit partially poking its head from her ass. The… Read full post »
I threw a cup of coffee in my sons face last night. Now before you
completely kill me, let me just say that the coffee was cold and
I’ve already killed myself over and over again all night.
As I watched the coffee fly from the mouth of the mug/… Read full post »
Diary of an Accidental Dad is now available at Amazon.com
My daughter makes me kiss all her boo boos. There must be some magical healing power to my lips because her tears immediately disappear and turn to giggles. Usually its only the bumps on her head or the scratches on her knee or the stubbed toes that are in need… Read full post »
Father's Day Is Just Another Day
Every year Father's Day becomes more and more like any other day. Last Fathers Day my son bought me a gift he wanted for himself, it was a pair of Nerf dart guns that he quickly shot me in both eyes with.
Well folks its official. My wife and I are getting divorced...
.......again. Its the third time this week, and 15th time this year. I wonder how long it will stick this time.
We each threw down our gauntlet, put up our dukes, and drew pistols at twenty paces.
“My dad says you’re an Asshole!!” Yup, I said it, but I didn’t think anyone was listening, or that anyone would repeat it. But that’s what happened the day of my son’s kindergarten graduation.
There was a kid in school that my son desperately wanted to be friends w… Read full post »
My son wants a little kitten to go along with the spiders and fish and hermit crab and hamster that we as a family have systematically killed one by one. And that’s not including the scores of house plants that have withered and died under the care of our collective/… Read full post »
My son has always had imaginary friends. They’ve kept him company when there were no real friends to be had. They’ve come in all shapes and sizes. But mostly anything small has always been his friend; a piece of left over toast that no one wanted, or the smallest cloud i… Read full post »
My son and I were driving to a birthday party and I could see him in the rear view mirror, elbow deep in his left nostril. He was really digging around in there, mining for some elusive treasure. My son was like one of those arcade games, and his finger… Read full post »
My son's friend came over today and asked him if he was getting communion. My son asked "What's communion?" She was surprised he didn't know, "are you Catholic?" she asked. "What the hell is catholic, my son asked, mystified by this foreign language." "I guess you're… Read full post »
The neighbor, some slacker dude, lets his dog shit on my yard. I see him walking this giant beast up and down the block, and then stop on the thin strip of land between the sidewalk and the curb. The turd the two of them leave behind is enormous. Its like… Read full post »
This is a piece that will be appearing in newspapers around the country this week:
Every year Father's Day becomes more and more like any other day. Last Fathers Day my son bought me a gift he wanted for himself, it was a pair of Nerf dart guns that he… Read full post »
â€œMy dad says youâ€™re an asshole!â€ Yup, I did say that, but I didnâ€™t think anyone was listening. I certainly didnâ€™t think anyone would repeat it. But thatâ€™s what happened the day of my sonâ€™s kindergarten graduation.
First off let me just say something about kindergarten graduations. I kno… Read full post »
I spend so much time reaming and plunging toilets of the gigantic shits my son takes. Or maybe his shits aren't so huge as to clog up the pipe, but its the amount of paper he uses to wipe his ass that would make a forest cry, that is giving the… Read full post »
My son’s school… Read full post »