February 29
I've worked for a big multi-national, lived abroad for several years, travelled a lot, now in politics. Married once but separated; no kids. Generally utilitarian except for minority rights.


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MARCH 7, 2012 8:50AM

Santorum’s Hacked 33 – For Femme

Rate: 28 Flag

Some hacker pals were able to come up with Santorum’s list.


1. Your main trait:  Righteous indignation.

2. The quality you like best in a man:  Heterosexuality

3. The quality you like best in a woman:  Heterosexuality.  And a strong affinity for housewifery.

4. Your main flaw:  Inability to persuade the majority of my fellow citizens that I’m not a loopy, anachronistic fanatic.

5. Last time you cried:  When I saw Obama’s polling numbers.

6. Ideal job:  President.

7. Scent of a place:  I smell immorality throughout this land, especially on campuses.

8. Beloved movie:  Reefer Madness.

9. Book on the nightstand:  The Bible, natch.

10. First and best kiss:  Excuse me, but children might read this.

11. You couldn’t do without: My main opponent being Romney.

12. How you would like to die:  Is that a threat?  Security!

13. Song you sing in the shower:  Onward Christian Soldiers.

14. Your deadly sin:  Taking one too many for the team.

15. Your not-so-deadly sin:  Bucking those lefty scientists on evolution and climate change.

16. Your motto:  “He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone” – And how I’ve been casting.

17. Ideal first date: Ice cream sodas at the Malt Shop, then a Tea Dance, then home before curfew.

18. Favorite present:  Thank you Ohio Tennessee!

19. In the train:  Stewing about how Obama’s $4 a gallon gas policy has forced me to travel like this.

20. Something you’d change in your body:  My propensity for nausea everytime I read something from JFK.

21. Your addiction:  Sanctimony.  Hard to shake when you’re imbued with moral certainty.

22. Now on your left:  Democrats, moderate Republicans, mainstream Republicans, students, working women, unions, blacks, Latinos, students, homosexuals, unwed mothers, peaceniks, socialists, Greens, baby boomers, climate change scientists, gays, bloggers, evolutionists, Satan, professors, Occupiers, protesters, man-on-dog lovers, pacifists, New England, vegetarians, geeks, hippies, librarians, lesbians, soccer moms, Soros and Buffet, intellectuals, secularists, gamers, humanists, rappers, snobs, the LGBT community, freethinkers, the Dixie Chicks, pornographers, editors, the IMF, twitterers, Hollywood, Broadway, women in uniform, independents, sodomites, comedians, blah people, PBS, beat poets, New Agers, MSNBC, iconoclasts, yuppies, Quakers, apologists, temptresses, The National Review, suffragettes, Europe, agnostics, musicians, libertarians, teens, tweens, theosophists, artists, queers, the Girl Guides, altruists, the Shriners, blue states, Gen-X, drug users, the United Nations, fornicators, the tired, the poor, the huddled masses and OSers.  Have I missed anyone?

23. Now on your right:  Umm, Rush?

24. Now in front of you:  A New Jerusalem, if voters come to their senses between now and November.  Failing that, a left-wing, socialist, drugged-out caliphate.

25. Now behind you:  The 2006 Senate race.  Thank God.

26. Names for your children:  How dare you bring my family into this?  It’s public knowledge – just google it.  On second thought – Elizabeth, Richard, Daniel, Sarah, Peter, Patrick and Isabella.

27. 3 things in your purse:  I won’t dignify that impudence with a response.

28. 3 places that fascinate you:  The White House, the Vatican, bathhouses

29. 3 people you’d like to meet:  Dan Savage, Jenna Jameson, Keith Richards

30. 3 traits you hate in people:  Tolerance, open-mindedness, empathy

31. Values inherited from your parents:  The uncanny ability to spot socialists, Satan and purveyors of phony theologies – even when no one else can.

32. In your past life you were:  A sinner.  Also a Senator if that adds anything.

33. In your future life you’ll be:  President?




Author tags:

saatire, santorum, femme's 33

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I suspect the hackers have had a go at #29.
Frankly, I'm pretty much in for a leftist, socialist, drug-addled caliphate, myself.
Clever ... very clever. Dan Savage (ha).
The Hackers got it goin on.
If I were a teacher, I'd give this a grade of A++. I haven't laughed this heard in a while.
I personally love Dan Savage and how he created a word from Santorum or an action..:)
Well done.
Satire??? Oh, sh*t!!!
We Unitarians are very upset at not making #22, my Quaker spouse will be making fun again. (In an egalitarian inclusive fashion of course.) As for #23, maybe Tim McVeigh? Maybe?
Does he not live in a right wing, RX'd out papiphate? I understand there are Christian ™ video games that promote the murder of non believers in the Rapture Days!
Really funny. I tip my cap, sir.
rated I love the list.
Abra, don't you feel better now that you've got that off your chest?
A list full of bravado, to be certain.
OLN – rick is afraid you’ll get your wish.

ordinaryjoe – thanks very much and thanks for visiting.

Scarlett – Savage’s campaign sure has legs.

Asia – How much in the dark would we be without them? Great new look there.

Cranky – You must have some of those liberal professor genes. Thanks.

Linda – No one writes a column like Savage. Of course these days my interest in his advice is more of an academic nature.

Matt – Couldn’t help it. The piece practically wrote itself.

Bill’s dubious – Hey, at least you qualify as an OSer.

Oryoki – Those games sound like they’re inspired by the vengeful God school.

Sheila, stim, Desnee & Mary – Thanks very much. It was fun to write.

jmac – I do. I knew I had something to say about Santorum and femme’s list turned out to be the vehicle.
This is perfect in style, wit and timing. And eerily true.
Ha! This is hilarious, Abrawang; well played. R
Abrawang. No buy a NASCAR ad.
No become a candidate for Cat House.
No ever run for any political whore hut-
Nut-Office. No . . .
race car driver
investing his winnings
in treasury bonds
mary – Thanks very much. Santorum provides ample material.

Thoth – Glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for commenting.

Julie – I got bored trying to write my own. Santorum came easier.

blufeather – Thanks for visiting.

Art – Thanks for the Nascar tip. I once worked in a cathouse so I learned that lesson the hard way.
"Ideal first date: Ice cream sodas at the Malt Shop, then a Tea Dance, then home before curfew. "

And all this time, I was thinking that this was my dream date, and mine alone!

Absolutely hilarious Abra -- loved it!
hahaha! excellent twist on the meme, abra - thanks for putting it up; we can always use a laugh when it's getting easier to want to scream about the "loopy, anachronistic fanatic." the guy totally creeps me out, for real.
Various – Thanks for such a frothy response. Looks like you and Santorum have more in common that either might have expected. I hope the Tea Dance house band will feature in one of you upcoming concert reviews.

jane – If he does it’s something he dares not put in writing. We all have things we keep in the closet, or as Christopher Hitchens used to put it, “We all keep two sets of books”.

femme – Thanks for the idea. A list of my own would have been boring.
21 is just great and the others too. Your Good!

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You're too clever and I must be nuts. By the time the song ended I was patting my foot and singing along. :)
Algis - Missed your comment earlier so thanks very much for it.

Fay - the Chad Mitchell Trio were a cut above the other folkies, at least till Dylan changed the game. If you can ever get your hands on it, their Live at the Bitter End (early 60s) is an absolute classic. Glad you enjoyed it.
Very clever and too, too funny!