Some hacker pals were able to come up with Santorum’s list.
1. Your main trait: Righteous indignation.
2. The quality you like best in a man: Heterosexuality
3. The quality you like best in a woman: Heterosexuality. And a strong affinity for housewifery.
4. Your main flaw: Inability to persuade the majority of my fellow citizens that I’m not a loopy, anachronistic fanatic.
5. Last time you cried: When I saw Obama’s polling numbers.
6. Ideal job: President.
7. Scent of a place: I smell immorality throughout this land, especially on campuses.
8. Beloved movie: Reefer Madness.
9. Book on the nightstand: The Bible, natch.
10. First and best kiss: Excuse me, but children might read this.
11. You couldn’t do without: My main opponent being Romney.
12. How you would like to die: Is that a threat? Security!
13. Song you sing in the shower: Onward Christian Soldiers.
14. Your deadly sin: Taking one too many for the team.
15. Your not-so-deadly sin: Bucking those lefty scientists on evolution and climate change.
16. Your motto: “He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone” – And how I’ve been casting.
17. Ideal first date: Ice cream sodas at the Malt Shop, then a Tea Dance, then home before curfew.
18. Favorite present: Thank you Ohio Tennessee!
19. In the train: Stewing about how Obama’s $4 a gallon gas policy has forced me to travel like this.
20. Something you’d change in your body: My propensity for nausea everytime I read something from JFK.
21. Your addiction: Sanctimony. Hard to shake when you’re imbued with moral certainty.
22. Now on your left: Democrats, moderate Republicans, mainstream Republicans, students, working women, unions, blacks, Latinos, students, homosexuals, unwed mothers, peaceniks, socialists, Greens, baby boomers, climate change scientists, gays, bloggers, evolutionists, Satan, professors, Occupiers, protesters, man-on-dog lovers, pacifists, New England, vegetarians, geeks, hippies, librarians, lesbians, soccer moms, Soros and Buffet, intellectuals, secularists, gamers, humanists, rappers, snobs, the LGBT community, freethinkers, the Dixie Chicks, pornographers, editors, the IMF, twitterers, Hollywood, Broadway, women in uniform, independents, sodomites, comedians, blah people, PBS, beat poets, New Agers, MSNBC, iconoclasts, yuppies, Quakers, apologists, temptresses, The National Review, suffragettes, Europe, agnostics, musicians, libertarians, teens, tweens, theosophists, artists, queers, the Girl Guides, altruists, the Shriners, blue states, Gen-X, drug users, the United Nations, fornicators, the tired, the poor, the huddled masses and OSers. Have I missed anyone?
23. Now on your right: Umm, Rush?
24. Now in front of you: A New Jerusalem, if voters come to their senses between now and November. Failing that, a left-wing, socialist, drugged-out caliphate.
25. Now behind you: The 2006 Senate race. Thank God.
26. Names for your children: How dare you bring my family into this? It’s public knowledge – just google it. On second thought – Elizabeth, Richard, Daniel, Sarah, Peter, Patrick and Isabella.
27. 3 things in your purse: I won’t dignify that impudence with a response.
28. 3 places that fascinate you: The White House, the Vatican, bathhouses
29. 3 people you’d like to meet: Dan Savage, Jenna Jameson, Keith Richards
30. 3 traits you hate in people: Tolerance, open-mindedness, empathy
31. Values inherited from your parents: The uncanny ability to spot socialists, Satan and purveyors of phony theologies – even when no one else can.
32. In your past life you were: A sinner. Also a Senator if that adds anything.
33. In your future life you’ll be: President?
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libbyliberalnyc
Steven Axelrod
Jonathan Wolfman
koshersalaami
Tom Degan
Just Thinking...
Salon.com
Comments
Well done.
HUGGGGGGGGG
JMac
ordinaryjoe – thanks very much and thanks for visiting.
Scarlett – Savage’s campaign sure has legs.
Asia – How much in the dark would we be without them? Great new look there.
Cranky – You must have some of those liberal professor genes. Thanks.
Linda – No one writes a column like Savage. Of course these days my interest in his advice is more of an academic nature.
Matt – Couldn’t help it. The piece practically wrote itself.
Bill’s dubious – Hey, at least you qualify as an OSer.
Oryoki – Those games sound like they’re inspired by the vengeful God school.
Sheila, stim, Desnee & Mary – Thanks very much. It was fun to write.
jmac – I do. I knew I had something to say about Santorum and femme’s list turned out to be the vehicle.
No become a candidate for Cat House.
No ever run for any political whore hut-
Nut-Office. No . . .
`
race car driver
investing his winnings
in treasury bonds
Thoth – Glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for commenting.
Julie – I got bored trying to write my own. Santorum came easier.
blufeather – Thanks for visiting.
Art – Thanks for the Nascar tip. I once worked in a cathouse so I learned that lesson the hard way.
And all this time, I was thinking that this was my dream date, and mine alone!
Absolutely hilarious Abra -- loved it!
jane – If he does it’s something he dares not put in writing. We all have things we keep in the closet, or as Christopher Hitchens used to put it, “We all keep two sets of books”.
femme – Thanks for the idea. A list of my own would have been boring.
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☼(ˆ◡ˆ) ⋰ ⋮ ⋱(¯`•´¯)¸.(¯`•´¯).¸.(¯`•´¯)¸. ☼
(¯`•´¯)¸.(¯`•´¯).¸.(¯`•´¯)¸.(¯`•´¯)¸.(¯`•´¯) ¸.(¯`•´¯).¸.(¯`•´¯)¸.Ŀ☼√Ξ ❤.
•¸.•*´¨`*•.¸¸.•*´¨`*•.¸¸.•*´¨` *•.•¸.•*´¨`*•.¸¸.•*´¨`*•.¸¸.•*´¨` *• Hugs ☼ OK your Great!
Fay - the Chad Mitchell Trio were a cut above the other folkies, at least till Dylan changed the game. If you can ever get your hands on it, their Live at the Bitter End (early 60s) is an absolute classic. Glad you enjoyed it.